Mommy, M.D.

Hello from Kenya

2012-01-09T04:56:00.009-06:00

I am in Kenya with the family. Justin is the Executive Director of HaMoreh Ministries, which exists to mentor and equip Kenyan pastors. Through this ministry, several professors and pastors, as well as students and other ministry teams, travel to Africa to teach in Kenya Baptist Theological College and other universities and seminaries. We also provide funding, computers, books, and other resources to these schools and pastors.

We are here for three weeks. Justin is teaching an Old Testament course, and I am teaching a few half-day public health seminars for his students. We are having a great experience. This was our first time to come as a family; Justin has been here twice before. Our hope is to make this a part of our regular life rhythm, with trips here once or twice a year. We are learning things on this trip that will make each successive trip easier. Such as... two year olds have tantrums. Did you know? And sunscreen is shockingly difficult to purchase in Africa.

The kids are doing amazingly well, actually. Considering the circumstances (they slept maybe 3 hours on the first overnight flight and then walked miles and miles in Paris, and that was just day one.), I would expect lots of whining and poor behavior, but they constantly surprise me. Such great kids. What a blessing.

This is the playground where we are staying. In case you thought we are roughing it or anything.

It is truly beautiful. Not quite tropical, hilly, and so green. We are staying at Brackenhurst, a Baptist conference center which shares a campus with the seminary.

The kids with their friends, Felix and Joshua. Their dad Linus is the Principal of the seminary.

Jonas fist bumping with some of the kids at church.

Our very first day in Kenya, we drove through some tea fields. When we stopped and got out, children (their parents work in the fields and they live in housing there) came swarming out to see us. I think maybe they had seen some white people before...maybe once or twice...but not much. They couldn't stop patting Betty's hair :) Jonas and Betty took it in stride, jumping right in to make friends. Betty learned some songs and games from the girls, and Jonas was climbing trees and chasing cats with the boys in no time. Some things are universal I suppose; no Swahili translation needed.

This is the first cottage we stayed in; we've since moved to a larger one with a kitchen but I don't have a picture to show you.

This is out of order, but you don't mind, do you? We took an extended layover in Paris on the way here, to break up the flight. It was COLD. Paris is beautiful, but we Texans will enjoy it much more in spring or summer.

Please keep us in your prayers!

I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW...

2011-02-22T21:51:00.003-06:00

or do I?

My friend Cheryl is doing a blog series through the book Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches by Rachel Jankovic, daughter of Nancy and Doug Wilson. Confession: The book is on my kitchen counter waiting to be read. Nope, haven't started it yet, but for some reason that doesn't stop me from blogging about it.

It looks great, alright?

And what can I say; there isn't a lot of time for reading when you're "in the trenches," ironically.

Go here to read Cheryl's latest post about "Me" Time. The gist of it is this: Mommies should get time to themselves. We do well with lots of time for prayer, solitude, Bible study, rest (including but not limited to Sabbath rest), and dates with our husbands. All good things.

BUT... it's wise to keep a watchful eye on use of the word "need." Do I "need" to go to Starbucks for 2 hours with a People magazine? Or do I "need" a pedicure? Sure, they might be nice, and certainly a fine indulgence, nothing sinful about it. But if I feel like I can't function without lots of times like that, it may be a red flag that something is amiss spiritually.

Here is a quote from Cheryl:

"It's dangerous to keep telling myself, "I just need a break." That thinking invades my heart and wants to push out those I love. I begin to see my children as a hinderance. They are keeping me from being a better me. And while, it is important to have a break, this thinking can entrench itself so deeply that we begin to believe that getting away is the answer to having more patience, self-control, etc. "

You did click over and read her post, didn't you? Go ahead; I'll wait here.

I love what Cheryl said about the alone time being "the answer" to becoming a better person. I so often feel that way! If I only had _______ I would be better. Am I still perfecting the flesh? Trying to prove that I'm not so bad, after all; I don't really need a Savior? I mean, if I could just get out more, I would be good....

Who or what do I expect to meet my needs? To give me rest and satisfaction? A sense of self-worth? Is it my husband? Kids? Free time away to myself? If it is anything other than God, it is an idol. Would I dare to make my alone time an idol? (Why not? John Calvin says that "man's nature is a perpetual factory of idols.") If I place the burden of restoring my soul on that little mini-vacay at Starbucks, that is the best way to actually ruin the experience, and ultimately come up lacking.

If I am stressed and burned out, I probably need lots of time in the Word, finding some intimacy with the true Lover of my soul. If I put a band-aid on that pain with a mommy time-out, it could make me feel better temporarily, but what if it actually DELAYS my spiritual growth? If I allow the negative emotions to draw me to the foot of the cross, that is constructive.

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"I just want a little freedom."

Remember my posts on femininity ages ago? Here is a quote that applies well here:

"We find our greatest and truest freedom when we loose the bondage to the sinful self. If I can learn to discipline myself to not follow every desire, to not pursue every path that looks nice from my perspective, to not act on every transient emotion, or believe every cultural influence that writes a magazine article, I will ultimately experience much greater freedom. Sometimes we must endure a discipline that at first feels restrictive in order to be released from bondage we hadn't even realized we were in."

I often find myself analyzing my own moods and spirituality, ironically thinking more about myself than about God. Counter-productive, no? Consider this:

"We survive in the way of faith not because we have extraordinary stamina but because God is righteous. Christian discipleship is a process of paying more and more attention to God's righteousness and less and less attention to our own; finding the meaning of our lives not by probing our moods and motives and morals but by believing in God's will and purposes; making a map of the faithfulness of God, not charting the rise and fall of our enthusiasms." (Eugene Peterson, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction)

Does anyone remember this from the women's retreat?: Anxiety is a gift: it is a signpost telling me that something is amiss in my heart. It reveals my false treasure. It warns me that my treasure is vulnerable. (Thanks, Elyse Fitzpatrick.)

Consider that Christ was free to serve because of his security with the Father:

John 13:3-5.

Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, ⁴rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. ⁵Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

I find rest and joy in the Lord, and share the sweetness with my family:

Nehemiah 8:10

Then he said to them, "Go your way. Eat the fat and drink sweet wine and send portions to anyone who has nothing ready, for this day is holy to our Lord. And do not be grieved, for the joy of the LORD is your strength."

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I need way more restful quiet than I could get if I depended on sitters. So for me the trick is learning to rest with the kids. If I make hot tea for myself and warm milk for them and cuddle on the couch, or park myself in a rocking chair on the porch while they run around the yard, I can find that peaceful rhythm that I crave. Even if the laundry is waiting. And no facebook. I'm slowly beginning to realize that I can even read my Bible with children in the same room and dishes in the sink; I don't have to wait for sleeping kids and a clean house to claim some rest. Otherwise it may never happen.

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What are your thoughts? Do you struggle with "needing" the time away more than is healthy? Does this reveal anything uncomfortable about your heart?

Praise God for His grace to show us our need for Him.

He is that good.

The King of the Playset

2011-02-21T15:53:00.003-06:00

A Day in the Sun

2011-02-20T16:24:00.007-06:00

Other Firsts in History

2011-01-23T20:02:00.004-06:00

4.21.2005

7.18.2007

Happy Birthday, Henry!

2011-01-23T15:30:00.009-06:00

Precious angel boy.
I can't believe you are one.
You are an absolute doll, and I have thoroughly enjoyed the past year with you.

You had your favorite: spaghetti and meatballs. Followed by chocolate cake.

Your cake. It's a bit homely, but I don't think you minded.

Yea!!!

The closest thing I have to a group shot. No, Mimi is not dancing a flamenco. It just looks that way.

Your favorite facial expression. Ooh!

Christ Church Academy

2010-08-11T15:18:00.005-05:00

Christ Church offers college-level classes on Biblical and/or Theological topics. They are offered one weeknight a week, three hours per class, for the duration of a semester. I am excited to take Old Testament Survey this fall. I know I'm kind of a weirdo in how much I love the Old Testament. I enjoy getting swept into the narrative, and I'm eager to learn more about the cultural background and textual interpretation. I took OT Survey in college, but wasn't as excited about it at the time. I'll learn more this time around since I'm more interested in the subject. Take it with me and we can study together!

You can just take random individual classes, like I am. Or there are non-degree "certificate programs," for those who wish to further their education without going to a formal seminary.

Intro to Greek will also be offered this fall. Ever wanted to read the New Testament in its original language? Need a foreign language option for your homeschooled high schoolers?

We look forward to expanding the options. I would love to see more and more classes being offered, including some for younger children. Stay tuned for that...

Go check it out and sign up with me! Christ Church Academy.

(Who's a bigger nerd: Me for being excited about taking Old Testament Survey, or my husband for teaching it??? Don't answer that.)

Community of Women

2010-07-25T20:47:00.003-05:00

I so relate to this post (again a Sally Clarkson posting). A few selections:

I need real, velveteen rabbit sort of relationships--where you are old and worn out together and dirty from sharing life--but it has made you all the more precious to each other.

Sometimes I am so used to being strong and keeping going that I don't even recognize my need for other women. In days of old, people were born into and lived in their community their whole lives......Now, we live apart. ....So, we become used to fending for ourselves--taking care of all the details of life alone--and then suddenly we poop out and wonder where God has gone.

And husbands cannot fill all of our need for love that was meant to be filled by a community of people who loved us and by a gaggle of women who could share in all the feminine things of life--getting pregnant, bearing under morning sickness, living through the sleepless nights, nursing our babies, raising our children--cooking, cleaning, living loving--all to be shared with Titus 2 women who could come alongside us in love, friendship, spiritual and emotional and practical help.
What pressure we put on our husbands to fill us up and meet all of our needs for love, when God never intended one person to be able to do all of that!

"A gaggle of women"---I love that! One of the things I find most interesting about primitive cultures, such as in rural African villages, is the community of women. They live together all day, with the children together, doing chores alongside one another. Sounds kind of nice, doesn't it? I don't mean to romanticize it; modernity certainly has its advantages. But I can stand to learn much from my sisters there...

Let's not forget what Jesus prayed for us (JESUS PRAYED FOR US!) in John 17 (emphasis mine):

²⁰"I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, ²¹ that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, SO THAT the world may believe that you have sent me. ²² The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, ²³I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me.

This passage is one of my favorites. I blogged about it here.

I love and need this type of community, and would like to see more of it especially with my women friends. You are beloved, but the stuff of life gets in the way all too often. May God grace us with perspective and time together.

Blessings.

This I've Got to Hear

2010-07-24T09:49:00.004-05:00

Want to hear my husband refer to me (in all sincerity) as an "African American"?

Go listen to his sermon titled "Christ Church and Africa."

I love that man.

Kenya

2010-07-10T20:53:00.003-05:00

Justin is in Kenya, teaching Bible classes at Kenya Baptist Theological College. See his blog for pictures and videos.

He is with our friend's ministry, HaMoreh. This is a fantastic organization. From their site: "Our heart and hope is to be used by God in helping people around the world to enjoy God more through being transformed by the renewing of their minds." HaMoreh is Hebrew for "The Teacher." The ministry primarily teaches Bible and theology classes in African seminaries, and mentors and equips local Bible teachers and seminary professors. "We invest in the lives of those who will then go on to invest in the lives of many more." There is a helpful video here that explains the ministry very clearly.

As much as we hate being apart, I am so proud of my husband. He's doing amazing, important work. This was sort of a scouting trip, to see what ministry opportunities there may be for us as a family in the coming years. I look forward to those possibilities with eager anticipation.

This may not be the end....

2010-06-01T08:01:00.003-05:00

...of his sister dressing him up.

Bless his little heart.

Go Play!

2010-05-20T13:49:00.004-05:00

I have a question for you.

How do you play with your kids?

Sounds simple enough, doesn't it? I'm really giving this some thought. I have generally given my kids lots of free play time, which I think is good for them. But I think I've gone too far in that direction, and they're needing more "mommy and me" playtime. This post by Susan Wise Bauer (classical education guru) asks the question "Does go play = go away?" and to be honest, for me, sometimes it does.

I read to them a lot, and do school stuff. But we need Official Play Time.

Here's the rub: Hide and go seek is getting real old, real fast. Honestly, y'all, I just can't. I'll have good intentions of building something with blocks, or another round of go fish, or what have you, and I last about 10 minutes before I get bored.

Does anyone else do this? I know I'm not Mother of the Year here. But I can't be the only one?

So I think some new play ideas could freshen things up. "Just the shot in the arm that our relationship needs," for any Buster fans out there.

I thought about acting out Bible stories with them, complete with props and makeshift costumes. And it can't be David and Goliath, with me as Goliath, every day. Just sometimes.

Swimming was a big hit last summer, but I'm not sure how much I'll be able to do that with the little mister around....maybe during his naps.

We've been fishing for crawdads a lot lately.

I need ideas here! This is when my old "not naturally much of a kid person" thing is made painfully obvious. Help a sister out. Do you have board games or card games that you particularly enjoy? Other ideas?

How do you play with your kids?

Seven years and counting

2010-05-08T21:40:00.010-05:00

Happy anniversary, honey.

Our story, as told by a brief smattering of photographs.

Happy Birthday, Jonas

2010-05-08T21:12:00.008-05:00

Sweet Jonas, you are six. I told you to stay five, and you wouldn't do it.

I saw a story on the news the other day about an eleven year old boy whose mother was being attacked by an intruder with a knife. The boy punched the man in the face, fought him for awhile, and then called 911. The attacker ran away and escaped.

I wept because I knew, deep in my bones and without having to even think about it, that you would do the exact same thing.

For better or worse.

Your response when I showed you the news clip? Fear? Intimidation? Awe?

"It's too bad the bad guy got away. I would have tied him up until the police got there."

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What We Did this Morning

2010-05-03T09:57:00.003-05:00

Easter

2010-04-14T14:28:00.008-05:00

I know, I'm behind. I'm not really used to this "having 3 kids" thing yet.

Look, a family picture! That I'm actually in! It's an Easter miracle.

Cousin Harry holding Henry.

Cousins Wilson, Jack, and Harry.

I dressed my boys alike. They can hate me later.

Boys will be boys. Wii in the background, iPhones in hand. Look at Justin's Mii on the TV. Doesn't it look just like him?

Jonas couldn't stop eating the candy from the eggs as he came to them....

....as a result, he ended up with considerably fewer eggs than Betty. He was a little disappointed about that.

My boys

2010-04-14T14:11:00.003-05:00

I'm way behind on posting pictures, so I'll give you tons over the next few days.

They may be the death of me yet, but ain't they sweet?

Pucker up!

2010-04-14T13:44:00.002-05:00

What am I doing wrong? Why can't I sew knits? Someone please tell me how to make it not pucker. (These are bloomers for Betty, in case that isn't obvious.)

My smart hubby

2010-04-13T20:43:00.001-05:00

Justin had an article published today on The Resurgence. Go check out How I Pastor My Family. I'm so proud of you, honey!

New blog

2010-04-08T22:13:00.000-05:00

My mother-in-law has a blog. Go check her out at Easily Amused.

Advocate Parenting

2010-03-27T21:29:00.002-05:00

I loved this post on Sally Clarkson's blog. Here is a quote:

"[Many parents are] under fear--that if they don't do everything right, it might be their fault if children do not turn out well and if they go astray. So they diligently correct every little immaturity and misbehavior of their children and become the authoritarian parent because someone said that if they didn't correct every little behavior, that they were teaching their children to get away with sin and that this would certainly lead to rebellion. And so they become policemen--watching for the "sin" and bad behavior and treat their children harshly. And instead of enjoying their children, they feel stressed, angry that their children insist on whining and doing things to irritate them all the time."

That hits home for me! I definitely relate. How quickly I forget "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God." James 1:19-20.

And how true (and sobering!) is this:

Many people think that our children will only be defiled by the TV, by bad friends, or by the Internet, and yet one of the worst ways they can be defiled is by bitterness in the family!

Maybe I should post this on a wall somewhere, so I won't keep forgetting:

So instead of coming against our kids to inflict vengeance on them when they disappoint us, we come alongside to restore them with grace and to gently teach them the right way to live. So we can say, "I care so much about you that I want to see you succeed in life. This kind of behavior is going to bring you down, so I want to do whatever I can to help you choose better in the future. Now let's talk about it…"

This is parenting that I aspire to, but I fall short everyday. This post was convicting and encouraging for me. If you don't know Sally Clarkson, immediately go get yourself a copy of The Mission of Motherhood. It will do you good.

Baby Sling Safety

2010-03-12T13:37:00.008-06:00

The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued a warning today about baby slings.

Here it is, emphasis mine:

The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) is advising parents and caregivers to be cautious when using infant slings for babies younger than four months of age. In researching incident reports from the past 20 years, CPSC identified and is investigating at least 14 deaths associated with sling-style infant carriers, including three in 2009. Twelve of the deaths involved babies younger than four months of age.
Slings can pose two different types of suffocation hazards to babies. In the first few months of life, babies cannot control their heads because of weak neck muscles. The sling’s fabric can press against an infant’s nose and mouth, blocking the baby’s breathing and rapidly suffocating a baby within a minute or two. Additionally, where a sling keeps the infant in a curled position bending the chin toward the chest, the airways can be restricted, limiting the oxygen supply. The baby will not be able to cry for help and can slowly suffocate.

Many of the babies who died in slings were either a low birth weight twin, were born prematurely, or had breathing issues such as a cold. Therefore, CPSC urges parents of preemies, twins, babies in fragile health and those with low weight to use extra care and consult their pediatricians about using slings.

Two months ago, the Commission added slings to the list of durable infant products that require a mandatory standard. Additionally, CPSC staff is actively investigating these products to determine what additional action may be appropriate. Until a mandatory standard is developed, CPSC is working with ASTM International to quickly complete an effective voluntary standard for infant sling carriers.

CPSC recommends that parents and caregivers make sure the infant’s face is not covered and is visible at all times to the sling’s wearer. If nursing the baby in a sling, change the baby’s position after feeding so the baby’s head is facing up and is clear of the sling and the mother’s body. Parents and caregivers should be vigilant about frequently checking their baby in a sling.

CPSC is interested in receiving incident or injury reports that are directly related to infant slings. You can do this by visiting www.cpsc.gov/cgibin/incident.aspx or call CPSC’s Hotline at (800) 638-2772.

(I can't get the image to look right. Try clicking on it, or follow the link.)

The wording is not as precise as I would have liked; the word "sling" can be broadly applied to lots of soft carriers for infants. I believe they mean for this to refer primarily to ring-style or pouch slings, as pictured, and I wish they had stated this more carefully.

I do agree with this warning, for the most part, with the qualifier about which type of sling is referenced. I support and encourage (and practice) babywearing, but certain styles of sling are not appropriate for the youngest babies, as the CPSC correctly warns.

As stated, there are two mechanisms for suffocation. The first is smothering by the fabric itself. The second is positional asphyxia. In lay terms, suffocating due to being in a position that obstructs breathing.

The scary thing about positional asphyxia is that it's harder for the parent to notice than you might think. Babies can't squirm their way to a better position, and can't really even gasp effectively. They might make a "grunting" noise, but to the untrained ear that sounds like innocent sleeping noises. Turning blue is of course a very late sign of trouble, but if the baby is tucked away inside the sling the parent might not even see that.

Babies are most at risk for this when they are curled up excessively, in a "C" position, with chin to chest. So watch out for any carrier that puts baby in that position. Such carriers should be saved for when baby is bigger. I'm thinking here of pouches like Hotslings, or ring slings like Maya Wrap or Taylor Made or Dr. Sears. These are not dangerous items, but I would not recommend them for the first few months. At the very least, watch your baby like a hawk and check on him frequently.

Other types of carriers are a better choice for newborns. I've been using my Moby Wrap and feel good about my newborn in that. Even so, I check on him a lot. He can occasionally slump over too much into a "C" position, so I watch for that. Other wrap style slings (used in the positions recommended for newborns), or structured carriers like Baby Bjorn (I hate this; it hurts my shoulders. But I do feel like it's safe enough in this regard.), Ergo, and similar carriers are best for the littlest ones.

You want your baby fairly upright and tummy-to-tummy. If you are using a horizontal position, then he needs to face straight up, not toward your tummy (because there will be a layer of fabric there to support his weight and you don't want it on his face.) You want to be able to see his face. If he nurses while in the sling, reposition him when he's done. Again, check the illustrations above.

Another potential danger is baby simply falling out. There have been multiple reported injuries of this type. I'm not really addressing that here. It feels more like an issue of user error to me, honestly. And it seems hard to blame the product. I mean, anyone can drop a squirmy kid from their bare hands. Are we going to put labels on those too? Frequently check the position of your baby as you walk. Make sure he hasn't shifted around and isn't about to fall on his head. Don't engage in vigorous athletic activity. Apparently people have to be told this sort of thing.

I am not always a supporter of safety labeling and disclaimers on every product under the sun. Nanny state, and all that. But if these labels are going to go anywhere, baby products are probably the place to start. So I support some notion of safety standards and labeling requirements for commercially-made slings. And I get the notion of "err on the side of safety." Sure. I haven't checked the packaging on slings lately, including the specific brands I listed above. I don't know if they carry any warning about positional asphyxia or not, but they should.

Here is my concern. Newspaper and website headlines and the evening news can give a false impression and lead to unnecessary fear. My fear is that too many people will hear the take-away message as "Baby slings are dangerous." Period. Any sling, for any baby, ever. Can't you just hear the evening news? "Deadly trap for your baby!!! Tonight at six."

People like Don Mays of Consumer Reports don't help the situation. "Don't use slings at all. There are safer ways of carrying your baby than in a sling." This is an absurd overstatement. He writes: "Clear instructions and perhaps video demonstrations might help prevent mistakes. But, as we all know, consumers may not read the instructions, and misinterpretation or misunderstanding can lead to errors that can endanger precious cargo." Isn't that argument a bit of a slippery slope? Maybe the government should come to your house and read the instructions for you.

So take the warning for what it is, and don't read anything into it that isn't there.

Watch out for the positioning of babies four months old and under. Make sure they can breathe.

And while we're talking disclaimers, I guess I'll make my own. I'm not your doctor. This is not medical advise for you.

6 weeks in pictures

2010-03-08T21:11:00.009-06:00

We had snow! Last week or so; I've lost track of time. See the little snowman Jonas built?
He came in asking for a carrot; I thought he wanted to eat it.

And snow ice cream.
And btw, Betty dresses herself. Don't be a hater.

I found this the other day after breakfast. There's actual cereal and milk in those bowls, folks. "Next time the babies can have pretend food, 'k?"

Jonas was so proud when he finished Book 2 of his Readers. He left these notes for Dad on the door. The top note says something like "Hey Dad, the note below is for you" and then the bottom one says "I finished Book 2 and now I'm reading Book 3."

I love you T---H---I---S much.

He can smile now too, but I haven't gotten a picture of that yet.

12 pounds of cute!

A Sin We Sip?

2010-02-14T15:31:00.002-06:00

Mark Bittman writes a food blog that I enjoy for the NY Times. In an interesting article he asks the provocative question: Is soda the new tobacco? Go read Soda: A Sin We Sip Instead of Smoke?

Lots to think about. I love me some Dr. Pepper, but he's right about the stuff. Go read it and tell me what you think.

I don't know if Mr. Bittman is a religious person or not (I only know he's my favorite cookbook author); the article certainly does not take that angle. The "sin" in the title just refers to "sin tax." And from a secular angle there is plenty to discuss. But he (probably unintentionally) got me thinking about the other kind of sin, also. Gluttony, I mean.

All of our appetites are God-given, and all can be misused. Food, sex, wine....all gifts. All vulnerable to perversion, and abuse. Abstinence from one or all is a valid option, but definitely not Scripturally mandated for all believers. But it seems like, in the current Christian (maybe just evangelical?) climate, the appetite for food is given fairly free reign. Gluttony isn't thought of as a "real" sin.

It is an issue of control. Appetites should not be allowed to control us. Do not be a slave to wine...or to Dr. Pepper, or french fries, or Ronald McDonald. Or to anything else except Christ. In our culture it's surprisingly easy and common to be enslaved to food and not even realize it. I know that I sin in this area more than I would care to admit; sometimes food is just more important to me than it should be. More important than my health, or my children's health. More important than the ability to remain calm and energetic through the entire afternoon. One blessing related to my gestational diabetes was my forced recognition that I cared way too much about sweets.

For some interesting thoughts on the issue of food and gluttony from a Catholic perspective, check out Conversion Diary's series on the Saint Diet. I'm not Catholic but she has taught me a lot on this particular topic. I particularly like her post on food and sin.

Acts 29

2010-02-09T14:17:00.003-06:00

Christ Church Brenham is now a member of the Acts 29 network. Check out Justin's bio here.

Peterson on Discipleship

2010-02-03T11:50:00.002-06:00

"We survive in the way of faith not because we have extraordinary stamina but because God is righteous. Christian discipleship is a process of paying more and more attention to God's righteousness and less and less attention to our own; finding the meaning of our lives not by probing our moods and motives and morals but by believing in God's will and purposes; making a map of the faithfulness of God, not charting the rise and fall of our enthusiasms." (Eugene Peterson, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction)

Can you stand the cuteness???

2010-01-31T20:30:00.000-06:00

Henry Wisdom Hyde

2010-01-30T19:39:00.000-06:00

We are proud and blessed to welcome Henry Wisdom Hyde. He was born last Saturday January 23, weighing 8 lbs 7 oz. He is beautiful and perfect.

Boasting in my weakness

2010-01-07T21:35:00.000-06:00

Pregnancy attitudes that need adjusting, Round Two:

The actual birth.

I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I’m embarrassed about my C-sections.

I have these grand romantic ideas of what natural childbirth would be like, and I want so badly to experience it. Despite my best attempts (OK, pretty decent attempts) twice now, I have had two Caesareans. And am about to schedule a third.

From a strictly medical perspective, all emotion aside, I firmly believe that natural childbirth is best for mother and baby. The vast majority of the time, there are minimal complications, and these are reduced with good nutrition and exercise during pregnancy and good perinatal care. The interventions that “we” do (I include myself in the medical community, even though OB is not my field) are not without risk. Even the seemingly harmless epidural has associated risks, and doesn’t always work. I think it’s best to treat birth, including the associated pain, as a normal, healthy event until it proves itself to be otherwise.

(As an aside: I encourage my friends to consider birthing with a midwife. I can tell you that physicians are trained to look for, find, and treat disease. That's not always bad; that's the way the profession works, and some of us are good at what we do (or were, back in the day). But with that perspective, a woman in labor is a ticking time bomb, and it doesn't have to be that way.)

Having said that, I recognize that childbirth can be dangerous. Let us not forget that it bears that curse of God. That isn’t something to take lightly! Women throughout history, and throughout the world today, risk their lives for this “normal, healthy event.” Things can and do go wrong. Talk to enough natural birth proponents and you can start to lose sight of that fact. I can't tell you how many times it has been implied that any complications I experienced were my fault. If only I had refused the epidural. If only I had a midwife. If only I had done everything right, nothing bad would ever have happened to me.

From a more emotional and spiritual perspective, I can imagine that natural childbirth could be very empowering. Pregnancy and childbirth are such a universal event, and yet so individually unique. I find it fascinating. I desperately wanted to experience something that so many women throughout history have experienced. I suppose it seems to me like a rite of passage in some ways. And because I felt so grossly unprepared for motherhood, I imagined that at least giving birth well would somehow prove that I could do this thing.

I don't like to have surgery. It's scary, and it hurts. I want to "give birth." I don't want to be strapped down while someone cuts the baby out of me.

I would prefer to feel strong, capable, independent, autonomous, self-reliant.

It’s not an overstatement to say that my first caesarean was the first time I really encountered my mortality. It was the first time my body had let me down. I wanted something and couldn’t have it.

I failed.

It says something about me, I suppose, that I hadn’t admitted the possibility of failure or mortality until my mid-20’s.

I have experience growth as a result. It is good and healthy for me to admit that my body exists in a fallen state, awaiting its final redemption and glorification. I am still trying to come to terms with the same reality in more spiritual terms.

In light of that, I can receive the “help” of modern medicine with gratitude. It is true that lots of medical interventions are unnecessary in childbirth. Many caesareans are done for convenience or medicolegal paranoia rather than strict medical necessity. But some are necessary, and life-saving. In my case they are legitimate, and I am glad to have the option.

So as I put my next surgery on the calendar, I swallow my pride. I mourn for that glorious, empowering experience that I have imagined but will never experience.

And then I slap myself upside the head and say "GET OVER YOURSELF ALREADY!"

There are more important things about childbearing than "was the birth experience personally fulfilling and rewarding for me?" I know it is for many, and I rejoice for them. I really do. But I can't make that my criteria for evaluating "Good birth" vs. "Bad birth."

There are still women all over the world who die in childbirth. Have you ever heard of a fistula? Be glad if not. There are women in the third world who experience long, obstructed labor (I’m talking days and days), often ending in stillbirth, and are so badly damaged and torn that they leak urine or stool from their vagina for the rest of their lives. They live indefinitely as social outcasts as a result. The cure is a fairly straightforward surgery. Prevention is a C-section when labor goes badly.

Do I really want to whine about my "unfulfilling" birth experience?

I’m sorry to be graphic, but maybe I need to shock myself into reality. My “failure” to achieve my “I am woman, hear me roar” fantasy is not the worst thing that has ever happened.

Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work togetherfor good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

I need to remember that true Empowerment comes through the gospel. The way for me to be empowered through birth is to acknowledge my utter inability to accomplish this miracle unless God ordains it. To acknowledge that I have not risen above the need for complete and total reliance upon God's grace. And His grace is sufficient. For me, it seems that includes humbly accepting the help that He has graciously provided in the form of skilled surgeons, and abandoning my futile grasps at self-empowerment. It doesn't mean that for everyone. But the illusion of control, the false gospel of self-reliance, is far from empowering. If we teach women that they just need to try harder, eat better, and breathe right and then they will be "safe" from harm, we are damaging those women. In the same way, paternalist physicians who say "you can't do this; just let me take care of everything" are doing a tremendous disservice.

Childbirth is a glorious gift of God. A way that women uniquely bear an aspect of God's image that men just don't share. We participate in a direct way in bringing new life into the world. If God gifts you with a gratifying experience, praise Him for it! (I can't promise not to feel envy, but I'll work on it.) He has not gifted me with the sort of experience that I had hoped for. But He has gifted me with beautiful children. And life itself, and salvation. And a fabulous husband, and good health, and a wonderful family, and a vibrant church body, and...and...and.... and so I thank Him.

I praise and thank God for this upcoming birth experience, no matter what the outcome.

I thank Him for enabling me to love Him even when He doesn't give me the gifts that I think I want. And for glorifying Christ, somehow, through my weakness.

II Corinthians 12:5-10 ...on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses.... 7to keep me from becoming conceited....a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Got Sugar?

2010-01-06T21:14:00.001-06:00

Last week, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. My blood sugar has been well-controlled on my diet, but it has not been easy to follow. Turns out I have more of a sweet tooth than I realized! I am craving dessert like nobody’s business!

Here’s the gist of the diet: 30 grams of carbs at breakfast, 60 at lunch and dinner, 15-30 at each of 3 snacks. Apparently, carbs turn up in all kinds of places once you start looking for them! Sneaky little devils.

The day I went to "sugar school," aka diabetic education, I had what I thought would be a very appropriate lunch at Berryhill. I had one fish taco, an ear of roasted corn, and tea. Doesn’t sound too bad, right? It’s not pasta and a coke, anyway. And fish is supposed to be good for me, so I was actually kind of proud of that. But when my two hour reading was 135 (goal is 120), I reviewed my lunch with the dietician. Here’s the Official Carb Count: Two corn tortillas on the taco at 15 grams each. 30 grams in the ear of corn! And 10 grams per sugar packet in the tea; I used two. And oh yeah, some chips and salsa to kick in another 20 or so. That’s 100 grams, WAY over my limit! And I didn’t even have dessert.

That was my first clue that this could be tricky.

It really hasn’t been that bad; I’m just indulging in a little self-pity because I’m a week in and still craving Dr. Pepper and cupcakes.

Fat, protein, and calories are essentially unlimited as long as my weight is OK, so I’m eating eggs and bacon for breakfast, and I’ve had wilted spinach salad (bacon grease in the dressing! Genius.) twice this week.

I have to laugh at myself because it really is pathetic how badly I want a Route 44 Dr. Pepper right now. Carb count = 97.

That can’t be healthy. This diet has revealed to me that my approach to food is more emotional than I had thought. Craving.

God is working on my attitude. I think it’s a real problem that I have to limit myself to diet drinks (which I hate) or water. Seriously? This counts as an actual problem? In the midst of such abundance, I’m whining about cutting back on high fructose corn syrup? It’s a little embarrassing.

I know that so many of many friends would gladly eat rocks if they could just have a baby. I am immensely grateful for what still counts as a “healthy” pregnancy.

Dew and Hammers

2009-12-29T21:13:00.002-06:00

My husband has a new blog. Go check it out.

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life

2009-12-13T21:34:00.002-06:00

Can I just tell you that I breathed a huge sigh of relief this morning to start a new week?

We had a hard week, y'all.

Sometimes that happens.

I have a lot of updates to share, and I'm going to move quickly, so hold onto your hats. Some good news and some bad news. Let's just go in chronological order:

Friday Dec 4, morning: Ultrasound at my OB. The baby's head had measured large on an earlier scan, so just double checking, to rule out hydrocephalus. The way my mind works, I'm all but shopping for pediatric wheelchairs at just the mention of the thing. But it was healthy for me to think through. "So what if the baby has special needs? That's not the end of the world. We will still love him or her. God is still God, and we'll see how He glorifies Himself in this adventure."

But don't call the neurosurgeon for us just yet. The head is normal. The whole baby is huge, but that's fine. And....it's a boy.

We had planned to wait and be surprised at delivery. Made it through the first big ultrasound when you usually find out the gender by hiding our eyes. But the doctor just blurts it out this time, for no apparent reason. (Not my usual doctor!) I have no idea why. He didn't seem too broken up about it either.

Whatever. It's not like the birth will be boring, even without that surprise.

So exciting! Yea. A boy. That will be fun.

A healthy baby boy.

He will (almost certainly) be named Henry Wisdom, and go by H.W.

that afternoon: My grandfather died.

My sweet 93 year old grandfather, my mom's dad, died instantly and painlessly at his beloved farm. On the farm where he was born. Exactly how he had hoped to die, and what we all wanted for him.

My mom found him. I can't imagine her sense of dread, driving out to his farm when she realized he was home late and not answering his phone. In a tremendous grace of God, he appeared peaceful and comfortable. I pray that God grants my mom a peaceful remembrance of the event as well.

When I told the kids, Jonas thought for a moment and then said, "He'll be so excited when he wakes up and he's in heaven."

Saturday Dec. 5, afternoon: Make the decision to take the kids to Oklahoma for the funeral without Justin. Justin could go Sunday and come back Monday, but I dread making the drive two days in a row and would like to stay longer. So I need to go without him. Laundry and packing.

that night: Betty develops a fever. Never mind about going to the funeral.

Sunday Dec. 6: Stay home with sick Betty.

Monday Dec. 7: Sad to be missing funeral.

Abdominal pain and contractions. Maybe a touch of Betty's virus???

I've had Braxton Hicks, but these feel a bit firmer... and there are more of them...

OK, I think I need to go to the doctor. Need someone to keep the kids, but can't ask any of my mommy friends because Betty is sick and I don't want their kids to get sick. Can't call my mom, she is at her father's funeral. Justin is in College Station; he carpooled with friends and is trying to get here ASAP but it may be awhile. Justin's mom will be here as soon as she can, but her boss just had a baby two days before so she really can't leave work very early. I call Justin's grandparents; his grandmother stays with the kids and G-Dad drives me to the doctor.

Admitted to labor & delivery for monitoring. Very dehydrated. Very uncomfortable G-Dad, whom I doubt has ever before been inside the labor & delivery unit.

After 2 liters of IV fluids, I feel better and the contractions stop. Sent home late that night.

Tuesday Dec. 8: Bedrest all day. Justin with the kids; Betty still has fever.

Huge thanks to Stephanie, Mamaw, and Mandi for bringing dinner all week.

Wednesday Dec. 9: Feeling a little better. Out of bed some. Betty's fever is gone.

Thursday Dec. 10: Wake up with red painful right eye. Feels like someone is poking me in the eye with a stick. Very sensitive to light; have to drive with sunglasses over my regular glasses (note to self: pick up some prescription sunglasses!) and a scarf around my head Jackie O. style to block out more light. Except it's Jonas' scarf that I dig out of the backseat, and it doesn't wrap around my head elegantly but rather just drapes across my face, dangling to the chin on either side.

Go to OB for follow-up, am pronounced good as new, except for the eye thing. Go to ophthalmologist who diagnoses infection from contact lens, prescribes drops. Relieved it's not pink eye and not contagious. Home to bed; worn out from driving around all day with a tree branch in my eye.

Friday Dec. 11: Wake up with a fever. Are you kidding me???

Consider it the most joyous of good news when the doctor says I don't have to come be seen in clinic. For the third time this week.

Another day in bed. Feel lousy all day. Eye feels better though.

Saturday Dec. 12: Thankfully my fever is gone. Take the kids out for donuts. In case you're counting, that's 4 days this week they've been away from me: two days I'm literally gone most of the day, two other days of bedrest. Not used to that. Starting to miss the little guys; the stress is affecting them too.

That night they stayed with Mamaw and we had a fun evening with some friends. I was glad to get out and officially pronounce the week OVER.

......................

I know God taught me something. Probably about self-reliance and pride. Turns out, I really can't do it all. I actually do need my family, and my friends, and my church. And it doesn't kill me to ask for help. Bless my sweet husband; he took such good care of me. He completely turned his schedule upside down this week, and I know it's going to cost him.

And we're having a boy! It's starting to seem real now. 7 weeks to go...

I haven't done much of the Advent activities I had scheduled for this week. But I have been turned toward God, forced to acknowledge my dependence and frailty. I await His coming....

"...the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit..."
Isaiah 61:3

Why didn't Mommy give me anything?

2009-12-02T14:01:00.002-06:00

So I spent maybe an hour getting the calendar up and the schedule made. Another hour or so for the tree. Some time for the blog posts, to "pay it forward" for other families. The kids helped with the calendar and tree.

All enjoyable time, and I'm glad to do it. But, you know, a small investment.

When the time rolled around to Officially Celebrate Day One, I asked Justin to talk to them about Advent. He usually leads out in our family devotions anyway, and I had already set up the tree and calendar with the kids, so I figured it was his turn to do something Christmas-y. So he explained Advent, gave them their quarters, and talked about how the quarters meant there were 25 days until Christmas.

They were very excited, and rushed to their piggy banks.

Then sweet Jonas came out with toys that he wanted to put in the calendar. He had two, one for Justin and one for me. "I got you a present too!" He gave them to us, with both hands behind his back ("Pick a hand!") just like Daddy had done. I got a little toy car, and Justin got a spaceship or something. "Oh, I forgot Sissy!" And he ran and got a pink paper plate for her.

We told him that was very sweet and thoughtful, and we were glad he wanted to give presents.

Then Betty did likewise, and gifted Jonas with a Lego I think.

Then Jonas looked suddenly sad and hurt, and asked "Daddy and Betty gave me presents, and I gave everyone presents. Why didn't Mommy give me anything?"

~~~~~~crickets~~~~~~~~

....I think it's safe to say I'll be passing out the Advent gifts tonight.

Advent Conspiracy

2009-12-02T08:51:00.001-06:00

In case you thought "keeping Christmas simple" means being a Scrooge.

John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal andkill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.

Advent Conspiracy.

Advent

2009-12-01T18:48:00.000-06:00

We have our first ever Advent calendar! It's very cute:

I hung it on the china hutch. It would look nice above the fireplace, but the stockings are there:

(Note to self: when making Christma stockings, save back some extra fabric in case you have another kid.)

I bought the calendar on Etsy, but it would be easy to make if you were so inclined. I rushed around to get it up Sunday night, and then realized that it, like most Advent calendars, only had the numbers 1-24. So December 1-24 it is. That is a bit confusing to me, when Advent actually started Sunday, but oh well.

General thoughts on Advent, for the other Evangelical rookies out there. I'm fairly new at this, and these help clarify the intention of the Advent season:

Our whole life is an Advent, a time of waiting for the ultimate, for the time when there will be a new heaven and a new earth, when all people will be brothers and sisters. An old song, quoted by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

A prison cell, in which one waits, hopes... and is completely dependent on the fact that the door of freedom has to be opened from the outside, is not a bad picture of Advent. Dietrich Bonhoeffer

The spirit of Christmas needs to superseded by the Spirit of Christ. The spirit of Christmas is annual; the Spirit of Christ is eternal. The spirit of Christmas is sentimental; the Spirit of Christ is supernatural. The spirit of Christmas is a human product; the Spirit of Christ is a divine person. That makes all the difference in the world. Stuart Briscoe

   Take time to be aware that in the very midst of our busy preparations for the celebration of Christ’s birth in ancient Bethlehem, Christ is reborn in the Bethlehems of our homes and daily lives. Take time, slow down, be still, be awake to the Divine Mystery that looks so common and so ordinary yet is wondrously present.
   An old abbot was fond of saying, ‘The devil is always the most active on the highest feast days.’
   The supreme trick of Old Scratch is to have us so busy decorating, preparing food, practicing music and cleaning in preparation for the feast of Christmas that we actually miss the coming of Christ. Hurt feelings, anger, impatience, injured egos—the list of clouds that busyness creates to blind us to the birth can be long, but it is familiar to us all. Edward Hays

It might be easy to run away to a monastery, away from the commercialization, the hectic hustle, the demanding family responsibilities of Christmas-time. Then we would have a holy Christmas. But we would forget the lesson of the Incarnation, of the enfleshing of God—the lesson that we who are followers of Jesus do not run from the secular; rather we try to transform it. It is our mission to make holy the secular aspects of Christmas just as the early Christians baptized the Christmas tree. And we do this by being holy people—kind, patient, generous, loving, laughing people—no matter how maddening is the Christmas rush…Fr. Andrew Greeley

     …Christmas celebrates the dawn of the Light of the World. The powers of darkness are overcome by his coming to share our life. The long reign of sin is ended and grace has been poured out upon the earth. The Sun of Justice has arisen, and evil is vanquished."
   Perhaps the hardest thing to remember about Christmas is this. "It celebrates the incarnation, not just the nativity. The incarnation is an on-going process of salvation, while the nativity is the once-for-all-historical event of Bethlehem. We do not really celebrate Christ’s ‘birthday,’ remembering something that happened long ago. We celebrate the stupendous fact of the incarnation, God entering our world so thoroughly that nothing has been the same since. And God continues to take flesh in our midst, in the men and women and children who form his body today. And the birth we celebrate is not just the past historical event but Christ’s continuing birth in his members, accomplished by the power of the Spirit...
     …What we celebrate is our redemption in Christ and the transformation of all creation by the presence of the divine in our midst. from the Catholic Sourcebook

Through all the Advents of our life that we celebrate goes the longing for the final Advent, where it says: "Behold, I make all things new" (Rev. 21:5). Dietrich Bonhoeffer

I've observed Advent loosely for several years now, but this is my first time to intentionally walk the kids through it. As a fairly newbie Advent celebrant, I was at a bit of a loss for what to, um, load the calendar with. I've seen candy, tiny gifts, or devotionals. I decided on a hybrid. We are continuing with our usual family devotions through the season; it worked out nicely because we just finished reading the Old Testament (in this Bible) so we will be doing the Nativity story over the next week and the life of Christ will carry us past Christmas. It doesn't strictly follow the traditional Advent schedule, but it will work for us.

(If you are looking for a more traditional Advent devotional, check out Heather's or Kendra's. For some general ideas about Advent and Christmas, check out Advent Conspiracy.)

In our family devotions we are just reading the Bible in order, as it comes. No master schedule or anything. For Advent I mapped out what stories will fall on which days this month and planned to elaborate on them a bit. For the days of the birth of Christ next week, I planned crafts to correspond. I think I'll tuck the craft components (or just a piece of paper with a picture or description) into the calendar. We can open it after dinner most days; I can occasionally do crafts earlier in the day when our evenings are busy.

The kids always have access to crayons and paint, etc. and use them several times daily; I don't often do an Official Craft Project with them. But I thought it might help them remember the elements of the Christmas story, and they enjoy making Christmas decorations. General Christmas crafts will be on some days, and Christmas books as gifts a few days. Other days the calendar will just have candy or stickers or something.

I found this list of gift ideas which has some cute ideas; some are a bit corny. I pulled a few of them:

December 1 - A quarter! That equals 25 cents. But 25 also stands for the number of days till Christmas, when God gave us His best present. Jesus told about one woman's gift and the way she gave it. Read: Mark 12:41-44

December 2 - Grape Gum! Grapes make jelly and juice, raisins and wine. But Jesus didn't need grapes to perform His first miracle. Read: John 2:1-10

December 3 - Smiley sticker. Here's a smile! A smile usually expresses happiness. Jesus gave us many instructions to keep us happy. Read: Matthew 5:1-12.

December 4 - Gummy fish. Fish! Well, if you were surprised to find these fish, wait till you read the story today! Others were surprised to find fish, too. Read: Luke 5:4-7

December 5 - A birthday candle. As you know, we are getting ready to celebrate Jesus' birthday. However, Jesus talked about something else that is related to this candle. Light! Read: Matthew 5:14-16

December 6 - Bell. You could make some noise with this. But it would not have bothered a certain man--until he met Jesus. Read: Mark 7:31-37

December 7 - Goldfish crackers. These would not go very far if you were really hungry! But Jesus could make much out of little. Surely He knew how to multiply! Read: Matthew 14:13-21

December 8 - Cotton balls These cotton balls would be helpful in a thunder storm, wouldn't they? We could use them for ear plugs to muffle the loud noises that thunder makes. But we know someone who doesn't need cotton. Jesus can control the weather. Read: Matthew 8:23-27

December 9 - Part of a map. People needing to use the other parts of this map are in trouble! Don't you get lost today! Read: John 14:1-6

December 10 - It's soap. Do you like to wash? Behind your ears? Washing turned out to be a happy time for a man who met Jesus. Read: John 9:1-7

December 11 - Heart stickers. Wordlessly, they speak of love, don't they? Jesus spoke some commands about love. Read: Matthew 25:17-41

December 12 - Cross stickers. We use the cross as a symbol, representing Jesus. Do you know why? Read: Philippines 2:1-11

December 13 - Ordinary salt. Yes, Jesus related salt to us and our behavior. He also gave us some advice. Read: Matthew 5:14 and Colossians 4:6. (Notice that He doesn't recommend pepper!).

December 14 - Sand. Don't try to eat this! It's sand. It reminds us that Jesus knows something about architecture, about buildings--and building lives. See His instructions: Matthew 7:24-29.

December 15 - Silk flowers. Flowers are pretty, aren't they? Jesus used flowers to teach us a reassuring lesson. Read: Matthew 6:28-34.

December 16 - Raisins! Many children are given raisins instead of candy for a snack. That's because they are a health-promoting and delicious fruit. Jesus told us how we can produce good fruit. Read: John 15:1-5.

December 17 - Seed packet. Jesus told a story about seeds that man planted. Then He explained it, revealing its deep meaning. Read: Matthew 13:3-8 and Matthew 13:18-23.

December 18 - Christmas carol. Christmas is just about a week away. And here is an appropriate song. Sing it loudly! Read: Psalms 100.

December 19 - A hard stone! Can you change this stone into a piece of bread? Do you think Jesus could? Jesus was asked to do just that. Do know how He handled it? Read: Matthew 4:1-4.

December 20 - Foil ball. Try to smooth out this piece of aluminum foil and use it as a mirror. It's hard to see your reflection plainly, isn't it? Many circumstances are hard to understand, but someday everything will be clear. Read: 1 Corinthians 13:12.

December 21 - Mustard seed. The mustard seed is the smallest there is! When it sprouts, it grows into one of the largest plants! See what Jesus said. Read: Matthew 17:20.

December 22 - Dove. We've learned that the cross represents Christ, but do you know what the dove stands for? Read: Matthew 3:13-17.

December 23 - Piece of wool. The threads that compose this fabric came from the wool of a sheep. Jesus called Himself the good shepherd. Do you know who His sheep are? Read: John 10:7-18.

December 24 - A marble! Do you know what is sometimes called the "Big Blue Marble"? The world. God made the world for us. What does God continue doing to the world? And who is the world? Read: John 3:16.

December 25 - Picture of baby or baby doll. Isn't this baby cute? When he was born, he made a whole family happy. Jesus was born a baby, too. He came to make the whole world happy. Read: Luke 2:1-20. Enjoy your celebration today. Continue to learn about Jesus--and love Him forever!

Here is the schedule I've come up with for us. It's a blend of treats, crafts, and devotionals. Days that correspond to our normal devotional reading are noted; other Scriptures that tie into that day's gift are also listed. I apologize for the poor typing and formatting; I'm doing this quickly so it's just copied over from my notes. I'm sure you understand. : )

Tues Dec. 1: quarters, 25 days (as Dec. 1 above).
Wed Dec. 2: candy or toy
Thurs dec 3: paper plate angel craft, (read Angel appears to Mary)
friday dec 4: window suncatcher christmas tree craft. Fold black paper in half lengthwise. Cut along open edge to resemble one side of a Christmas tree. Leave paper tree folded in half and punch numerous holes all over tree. Unfold tree. On one side, glue assorted colors of tissue paper over holes. Turn tree over. Finish decorating with glue and glitter to make garland scallops. Add a yellow construction paper star on top.
saturday dec 5: birthday candle, matt 5 light of world (as Dec 5 above)
sunday dec : stickers
monday dec 7: read census, journey, birth; do envelope manger craft
tuesday dec 8: read shepherds & angels, do nativity craft
wed dec 9: read wise men, make star w/ pipe cleaners or sticks & wire & paint
thurs dec 10: paint a rock; matt 4 (as dec 19 above)
fri dec 11: book
sat dec 12: stickers
sunday dec 13: bubble bath, john 9 (as dec. 10 above)
mon dec 14: snow globe craft
tues dec 15: dove, read baptism
wed dec 16: book
thurs dec 17: pine cone angel (glue feathers and a halo on a pine cone)
fri dec 18: read fishers of men; goldfish crackers
sat dec 19: read wedding at cana, flowers (silk or real?)
sunday dec 20: book
monday dec 21: candy
tues dec 22: stickers
wed dec 23: candy or toy
thur dec 24: candy

We'll see if I make it through as scheduled...this is way more crafty than I usually am. If it makes me busy and crazy it will be the opposite of my goal and will have to change. Gotta go put some quarters in bag #`1!

Recipes

2009-11-24T14:31:00.001-06:00

Just popping in for a friendly reminder about the Family Supper Club. Lately, I've posted recipes for Chicken Enchiladas (use up leftover turkey!), cheesecake, stock, and risotto. Go browse for ideas!

Happy Birthday, Honey

2009-11-10T15:42:00.000-06:00

Happy birthday to my baby, the love of my life. My husband Justin.

I love you, I'm so proud of you, and so glad to be married to you.

You take such good care of us. You're a fantastic husband. A loving father. A faithful pastor. My best friend.

Have a wonderful birthday.

Biblical Femininity Part 4.0: Conflict

2009-11-03T16:27:00.003-06:00

If you've been reading along through Parts One, Two, Three and 3.2, thanks for hanging in there. I know it's a lot, and I pray you've been blessed. I was planning to do all of the conflict section as “Part Four,” but I think I’ll break it up into more manageable bites.

So we've made it this far. We trust God and believe the Bible. We are made in the image of God and realize that includes humility, service, and submission. We have some understanding of what submission is and is not, what it looks like.

But what if he _________?

We are fallen, forgiven, redeemed, undergoing sanctification, and awaiting glorification. So are our husbands. We live in a fallen world. Things happen. We sin against one another, sometimes grievously. Conflicts arise. Sometimes husbands lead badly, or make mistakes. Sometimes our husbands sin, sometimes they make foolish choices, sometimes they fail at loving us as they should. Sometimes we treat them poorly. Sometimes they make a reasonable decision but we just don't like it.

What then?

Here is one foundational principle. Remember we said that submission is not based on the husband's merit? If the reason for our submission is not that the husband deserves it, then it naturally follows that we continue to submit even when he so very clearly does not deserve it. Think of it this way: Do you want to be loved only when you are lovely? Then do not respect only when you notice respectability. We honor our husbands, including speaking honorably to and about them, even when we disagree. Even when they sin. Without following them into sin.

Easier said than done? I know.

The wife may feel she is placing herself in a position of vulnerability by submitting, and in some ways that is true. But she is not without protection. The Bible has clear protocol for relationships, communication, and conflict. (Please note: this is not limited to marriage! These principles are helpful in all relationships, with modification where appropriate.)

(Another side note: Does anyone else feel that modern women, maybe especially Christian women, are sometimes bad at resolving conflict? We are taught our whole lives to be "nice," as if that is the defining Christian virtue and trumps all others. So we try our hardest to avoid conflict, at almost any cost. When that's not enough, we just don't know what to do. We panic and get overly emotional, or ignore the problem and hope it goes away. Not very effective, is it? That's why this is maybe my favorite portion to teach. It's kinda fun.)

Here's where I get as practical and literal as possible. I'm going to outline eight "layers" of protection for the wife in the context of conflict and sin. Much of this is taken from Martha Peace's book The Excellent Wife.

1. Biblical communication.

This is the first layer of protection. When this is in place, very often we don't have to go further. We need to have the courage to be honest with our husbands. Think straight and speak carefully.

Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

If you have room to grow here, (and who doesn't?) I have enjoyed Now You're Speaking My Language or The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. These are basic, and maybe not extremely theological in perspective, but practical and helpful. A good starting point if you want to see growth in the area of communication.

For many couples, the communication skills are present, but for some reason good ol’ couple time is coming up short. Lots of protected time for the couple to be present together in conditions that are conducive to conversation is vital marriage maintenance. Keep in mind that your husband may define “conducive to conversation” very differently from you! Women think of late night chats with lots of eye contact and emotional expression. Men think of golf. Keep his perspective in mind. A Saturday morning drive in the country or walk around the block may be just what he needs to start talking. And who says you can’t play a round of golf on date night?

For us, protected quiet space is hugely important. For example, we cancelled our cable, and our television set is rarely turned on. This environment of peace and rest is vital to our family rhythm. We make a point to be available to one another in the evenings, after the kids are in bed. Most nights this is very casual, but the freedom is there if one of us needs the other. You never know when someone will blurt out “I’m freaking out; I don’t think I’m cut out to be a mother of three. What if I can’t handle this?” Hypothetically speaking, of course. If we don’t provide fertile ground for these conversations, they don’t tend to spring up on their own.

You may be able to provide that fertile ground and still watch lots of TV. That’s just an example. But think about what you can do to make room for conversation. Evenings do not work well for some people; maybe you should strive to have breakfast together more frequently. Figure out what works for you and make it a priority.

Hopefully you can build a habit of consistent communication into your marriage. Routine communication; not just when there is an Issue To Discuss. It’s never too late to start! Invest in this habit everyday, and it will be a strong layer of protection around you both. When conflict occurs, you are in good practice for some honest, polite and helpful conversation about it. The tracks have been laid. "It hurt my feelings when you said that." "I think you're making a huge mistake." "I would like for us to spend more time alone together." "What do you think is the best way to teach our kids about the Bible?"

Work on being a “safe place” for your husband. While many women will reveal their deepest darkest secrets to any blog reader or sorority sister, men tend to be more private. He probably doesn’t feel comfortable opening up to very many people, and if he’s like most men you are the only person with whom he’s completely vulnerable. So respond in a worthy way! If he tries to be fully himself with you and gets wounded in the process, he may not keep it up. Do what you can to help him let down his guard with you. If communication is not easy for him, acknowledge his efforts and do what you can to make it more comfortable for him. This blog post explores this concept beautifully.

2. Overcome evil with good.

1 Peter 3:9-12 Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. 10 For "Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; 11 let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. 12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."

So, in the context of immense frustration with your husband, when you have been wronged and feel justified in your indignation.....give him a blessing. A specific, tangible blessing.

Am I crazy? "for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing." When we bless one who has not done us well, we obtain a blessing. Hey, I didn't write it. So instead of slamming doors and sulking, do something thoughtful. I don't mean "think positive thoughts in his general direction" although that's not easy either. I mean something like....pick a movie you know he'll like. Pick up his favorite snack or make his favorite dessert. Pay him a compliment. Overcome evil with good.

I don’t mean that you should pretend he did no wrong. It's just showing grace. As God so generously shows us.

Proverbs 19:11 Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

You find yourself at a fork in the road. Your husband said something thoughtless and hurt your feelings. He made a bad choice, and the family is suffering the consequences. He neglected an opportunity to love you well. And you have a choice.

Sometimes, you let it go.

Maybe you mention it, maybe you don't (see "Biblical communication", above). But after that, you choose to "overlook an offense."

Did that just rub anyone the wrong way? It would me too, probably. Perhaps an analogy will help. You have PMS. You had chicken nuggets for lunch with the kids, while your husband attended a catered business lunch with friends. You are wearing sweatpants and have unwashed hair; he looks dashing in a button-down. The kids have built 4 different forts in the living room, made mudpies in your good dishes, and played in the flour. Your husband comes in, "What's for dinner?" He is met with an icy stare and a rude, sarcastic comment from you. You give him the cold shoulder for the next hour. How should he respond to your sin? A. "Dear wife, that was inappropriate. What did I do? Why would you speak to me that way?" B. "I see your attitude is even uglier than those pants." C. "Why don't you sit down and put your feet up while I wash these dishes?" We want C, right? That's called "overlooking an offense," and it would be to "his glory."

Go back over the above example and reverse the roles. Imagine the husband is rude to the wife after he had a bad day at work. Does that make it worse? Does the wife seem more entitled to grace than the husband? Why is that?

I think one unfortunate effect of feminism is that women sometimes hold themselves to a lower standard than men. Think about it. Do you ever feel like only Stepford wives are actually nice to their husbands? Do you appreciate your husband going out of his way to be helpful to you, but feel like a secretary on Mad Men when you do the same for him? Do you feel "modern and liberated" when you sarcastically insult your husband? Do you believe he has the "right" to treat you the same way? If you read this advice, about overlooking an offense, in a blog directed to male readers, would it seem different?

3. Biblical appeal. "Honey, we need to talk."

This is distinct from Biblical Communication because I hope the communication is an ongoing daily habit. Now we're moving into the realm of the occasional "sit down."

Remember the fork in the road I mentioned before? Yes, this is the other fork. Option B, if you don't choose "overlook an offense."

*****Notice that there is no "Layer 2.5: pout, give the silent treatment and sulk. Don’t say anything, but put his offense on ‘the list’ to bring up later when you're mad about something else." Or my personal favorite, "Vomit all over him with a list of everything you don't like about him. Make sure to mention at least one thing that happened more than six months ago. Then say, 'I don't want to talk about this. I don't want to fight.' and walk away."*****

I'm a nice Christian girl. A Baylor sorority girl, for crying out loud. Baptist. Blond. Short. I know a thing or two about passive aggression, OK?

Don't you wish there were something in between? So often when we're angry, we don't want to overlook the matter completely, but aren't quite sure we're justified in a full confrontation. So we stay angry but pretend otherwise, or give a subtle attack that we can deny or deflect, or disguise our criticism as a joke. "What?! I didn't say anything." Or, "I was just teasing. Can't you take a joke?" But I really feel like that is the most destructive way to handle it. I think we have to choose a path and go with it. Say something, or don't.

Let me ask you a question. Who is better suited to offer a man wise counsel than his "suitable helper"? Is it possible that you were created with this sort of "help" in mind? So don't sell yourself short. Do it right.

First things first, girly girls pay attention here: You're not showing respect if you refuse to talk to him like a man. He's a grown man, right? Treat him like one.

Step one: lead with confession. Hey, I never said this was easy. If you can't handle this, you might want to rethink step two above and "overlook an offense."

Matthew 7:3-5 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

Begin your conversation with humility and an acknowledgment of your own role in the conflict. I love this analogy: Let's say he is responsible for 75% of the guilt, and you are only guilty of 25%. Well then, apologize for your 25%, own up to it, and do your part to make it right. Only then will you be in a position to address his 75%. And hey, if somewhere along the way you realize it may actually be more like 50/50 (astonishing!), then so much the better.

Step two: It may be wise to include a reassurance of your intention to submit, if there is no sin involved. "Honey, I wish you would reconsider. I think you're making a mistake. But after you hear me out, if you go ahead, I trust God and I'm with you completely." "I really don't want to move to Wisconsin, and I want you to listen to the 37 reasons why it’s a bad idea. But if you decide to go then I'll start packing."

Step three: Think through your approach. You'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar. If you attack your husband, he will retreat from you. If he feels cared for and respected he is more likely to take your words to heart. I don’t mean that you should be manipulative. Just care for him honestly and thoughtfully. Golden rule, again. How would you like for him to speak when he disagrees with you?

Proverbs 16:21 The wise of heart is called discerning, and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.

Step four: Leave it in God's hands.

1 Peter 3:17 For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God's will, than for doing evil.

If your husband is not persuaded by your appeal, and he is not in sin, then your part is done. Let it lie. It doesn't help for you to sin to avoid the consequences of his bad decision. If he makes a foolish choice, he will bear the responsibility for that. This is a weighty responsibility, and there is nothing you can do to relieve him of it. If submission is your "cross to bear," then this is his. And never forget the possibility that he is right. Remember we talked about expectancy? God may be leading through your husband, and it may not make much sense to you at the time. How must Mary have felt, being woken up in the middle of the night to flee for their lives to Egypt?

Remember the qualification "if he is not in sin." We move forward to step 4 when sin is involved. Stay tuned...

Picture Update: San Antonio and Costumes, Plus a Self Portrait

2009-10-31T21:31:00.000-05:00

Prepare yourself for an avalanche of photos. Here we go.

We went to San Antonio last weekend. Here are some pictures from the Riverwalk, Sea World, and the Natural Bridge drive-thru Safari. We had a great time. San Antonio was beautiful, and the weather was perfect. Sea World was amazing; we even got to see one of my "oldest" friends, Jen, and her family. I can't believe I forgot to take pictures with them!

This ostrich was seriously aggressive. They weren't kidding.

The kids INSISTED on making a pumpkin pie from scratch. Until I asked them to scoop out the pumpkin guts. "Ewwww."

This thing stung me:

This is what I look like:

Betty in her ladybug costume, and Jonas as Max from the book Where the Wild Things Are. Also see cute pictures that Justin took here and here.

Adventures in [possible] swine flu

2009-09-26T15:42:00.004-05:00

The green "participant" ribbons were not our only souvenir from the county fair.

We picked up a little bit of the influenza along with our corn dogs.

When I say "we," I mean Jonas.

I'm not sure that's where he picked it up, but the "fun house" is the most suspicious candidate.

Jonas got a fever on Sunday morning; he had been totally fine and normal and then all of a sudden was crying. He felt hot to the touch and had a fever of 103. All week he felt terrible when he had a fever, but when I could bring it down he was fine. As in, running around the backyard and scarfing down dinner fine. Then the fever spikes and wham, he's back in bed. For 4 days, he was either in bed or running around playing. Nothing in between.

I took him to the doctor on Tuesday. He could not find a thing wrong on a careful and complete physical exam. His lungs, throat, ears, abdomen, all fine. We discussed flu, but neither one of us really thought that was it. Usually with flu you never feel great, even when the temperature is normal. You feel pretty cruddy the whole time. A kid with flu isn't supposed to run around at all. And besides, if you're going to treat with Tamiflu it has to be started within 48 hours of the first symptoms, which had already passed. So we didn't even test for it and agreed to just keep with the Tylenol and fluids.

No fever Wednesday.

Wednesday night, he says his legs hurt, and I notice he's limping.

At first I thought he was just being silly, doing a funny walk for some reason. And looking back he had done that a couple of times during the day. But he wasn't being silly, and he couldn't walk normally. He points to the back of his knees, both of them, as where it hurts.

At this point I freak out, y'all.

I've seen septic joints, and it isn't pretty. You do not want an infection in a bone or joint; you're looking at six weeks of IV antibiotics at best, and hopefully no surgery. And the infection can easily enter the bloodstream and make you crazy sick.

This doctor mama doesn't freak out much, but this is one of those things that scares me.

But here's the thing. I got a good look at his knees, and they really seemed normal. They were not warm or swollen, and he let me move them around all I wanted. Kids with a sick knee don't want you to even look at them like you're thinking about maybe touching that knee. And still no fever, since the day before. This does not add up to a septic knee. And both knees at once? That's not right.

Later I got another look at Jonas' legs and realized that the tenderness is in the calf muscles, not the knee joint. Where he was pointing is the insertion point, where the muscle attaches to the bone, and it only seemed like he was pointing to the knee itself. So I looked up myositis and discover it's a common post-viral syndrome with influenza. Benign acute childhood myositis. He fits the description perfectly. So I give him ibuprofen and we all go to bed.

The next day I head back to the pediatrician. He sees him walk into the room on tiptoe, I tell him his calves hurt, and he says "Oh yeah, calf myositis. Did we test him for flu?"

Sure enough, it was positive.

The rapid test is positive for "Influenza A", which means he has either regular seasonal influenza or the infamous H1N1, which is one of multiple types of influenza A. The test doesn't distinguish between them, and it really doesn't matter because the treatment (rest and fluids, maybe Tamiflu) is the same.

He's fine now. He tiptoed around a little bit Friday morning but by afternoon he was normal. No fever since Thursday.

On the plus side, now he won't have to get the vaccine.

..........................................

Yee-haw

2009-09-24T15:05:00.002-05:00

The kids entered a "little wranglers hay hauling competition" at the county fair. Oh my word.

The objective is to pull the wagon to three stacks of hay, load the hay, and circle back to the starting/finish line. In theory one child pulls the wagon while the other loads.

They look like they're off to a good start.

On your mark, get set, Go!

They both ran off without the wagon. Didn't get a picture of that; I was too busy "coaching."

OK, now they're getting the hang of it.

Then for some reason they leave the wagon in the center and bring each hay bale to it, separately.

No other team used this strategy; I'm still not quite sure what that says about my kids. Independent thinkers?

They've almost made it! The finish line is in sight!

But wait; where is she going? Another lap?

They eventually finished, or at least got somewhere near the finish line with most of their hay still in the wagon.

They were awarded green ribbons that say "Participant."

They were proud of themselves, and so was I. What can I say? They did it with spunk and enthusiasm, which the stopwatch doesn't measure.

.........................................

And we move on to the next event.

The mechanical bull.

Hey, they sign says "All Ages." So why not?

Is this really necessary???

Maybe I should let him watch Eight Seconds. Is that age appropriate? I'll have to check on that.

Never one to be outdone:

Last but most certainly not least:

I'm lucky I had a good excuse, with the belly and all. Next year I'll probably have to get on the darn thing.

Speaking of the belly:

yee-haw.

Dishpan hands

2009-09-24T14:47:00.000-05:00

It is well established among us that you may hold up your head in polite society with a public lie in your mouth or other people's money in your pocket or innocent blood on your hands, but not with dishwater on your hands or mud on your shoes.

----Wendell Berry

Family Supper Club

2009-09-16T21:20:00.000-05:00

I roped several of my friends and family members into writing a team blog about cooking. Go see Family Supper Club for inspiration and ideas. From the intro:

Come see what real families are eating. Meal plans, recipes, successes and failures, takeout confessions, cookbook and equipment reviews, and whatever else we think of. All from real people cooking for real families, with schedules and budgets and priorities. Some are finicky; some are gourmet. Some are green, some like fast food, some stick with meat and potatoes. Some are Julia Child, and others are Sara Lee. This is what we eat.

I'm excited to be working with such fun and intriguing people. You know how sometimes you just feel so proud of your friends and honored to know them? That's how I feel this week. I think they're just going to knock it out of the park. We all have different perspectives, priorities, and experiences, and that's what makes it interesting.

All of the authors are united by an interest in good food but we all differ in the details of what that means. Some are vegetarian, some quick & easy, some meat & potatoes. Some just learning, others more adventurous and/or experienced. Smoker specialists and cafeteria connoisseurs. Some farmers, some city girls. Some working mamas, some homeschool mamas, and one single guy (see, Pete? I've already committed you, so you have to do it). Hopefully grandmas and college students, if I can talk them into it. Different budgets, different kitchens, different family sizes. This way we can learn from each other.

So go check it out. We're having fun over there.

Biblical Femininity Part 3.2: A Note on Masculinity

2009-09-09T15:40:00.006-05:00

I just realized that a few points could use clarification. First, Biblical masculinity is a topic well worth covering. I am not the woman for the job, but I know the man who is. Justin and Casey organized and taught a wonderful seminar on Biblical Masculinity back in April, and Stephanie and I were asked to lead the corresponding session for women. Justin's talk is available here. I would never endorse a church which taught submission for women and yet remained silent on the unique tasks of men. I won't write about them here, but they are substantial.

It seems to me, and I could be wrong, that there is much press in Christian circles given to submission. Lots of books, blog posts like this, etc. discussing "what does submission mean, how do I do it, etc." But there is sadly less literature for men about "how can I love my wife as Christ loved the church?" which is unfortunate. I just want to be clear that although this blog is written by a woman, and these posts are primarily geared to women, that is not the full picture.

Also, I know that I'm not doing an exhaustive study of femininity. I am currently posting only the material I prepared for a short seminar, and I know I'm not covering everything. I don't mean to imply that Femininity = Submission. That is definitely not the case. I only hit on it because it needs to be properly understood. But there is a lot out there we could also be talking about. We're not talking about motherhood at all, women in church, or women in the workforce, or dating....lots of things. I know. I may be able to get to it eventually; let me know if you would like to see a particular topic. I have a request pending for some writing about women in medicine; that is "marinating" in the back of my mind, but it's coming. Anything else?

Biblical Femininity Part Three: Submission

2009-09-07T15:31:00.009-05:00

(Make sure you hit Part One and Part Two first!)

There it is, the "S" word. You knew it was coming, didn't you?

If you're anything like me, the word "submission" is loaded with strong emotion. It is easily and widely misunderstood and misapplied, and for that reason it rubs many of us the wrong way.

But... there can be another reason for our offense, that little thing we call "pride." That's why I like to review those verses about submission within the Trinity. It turns down the dial on my own pride a few notches, especially the Philippians passage. In fact I'll just put that one here, in case you don't want to click over.

Philippians 2:5-11 ⁵Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: ⁶Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
⁷but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
⁸And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
⁹Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
¹⁰that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
¹¹and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.

The reality is that the God we serve is not too proud to serve, to submit, to be a helper. To obey. So why in the world am I?? Keep that reality in the back of your mind as we move on to Ephesians:

Ephesians 5:21-33 "....submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

So what is submission? A disposition to yield to the husband's authority and an inclination to follow his leadership.

Some general characteristics first.

a. Submission is freely given. Notice that it is the wife's responsibility to "see" to it in verse 33. It springs from the wife's loving obedience to Christ. It is not imposed by a domineering husband. In fact the husband is nowhere commanded to "make your wife submit."

(As an aside, just review again exactly what husbands are commanded. Not much leeway for chauvinism, is there? Some husbands love to "remind" their wives of these verses, but somehow forget to apply them to themselves first.)

Likewise, we cannot demand or enforce our husbands to obey their command to love us as Christ loved the Church. Anyone ever tried that? How's that working out for ya'? ; )

b. Submission is honoring to God.

Titus 2:3-5 "Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."

What is it, exactly, about a woman who is not submissive that leads to the word of God being reviled? Doesn't that seem a little harsh? What is it about my submission that somehow brings honor to God?

Our God deals in little things, or at least sometimes they seem small to us. Attitudes of the heart, issues of the individual family in the privacy of their own home. These things matter to God.

When I submit, it shows that:

1. Obedience to God is more important than having my own way. If I am willing to embrace this doctrine, it teaches me and proclaims to those watching that I would rather obey God than follow my own impulses and desires. This is a discipline.

2. True freedom is found only in Christ. Not in following every impulse I have, the moment I have it. More on this later.

3. I reverence the Lord as sovereign and powerful. I am the creature, He is Creator. I trust that He desires the best for me and is powerful to enact His plan, as we talked about in Part One. Submission would never make sense without this reality. Therefore we preach the glory of God by practicing submission. Why on earth would I submit to my husband if God cannot be trusted? I can't think of any good reason.

4. God's word directs my life. I orient my life around the Bible and acknowledge it's authority.

If I am too proud to submit, it implies that I reject these truths. That is how the word of God gets reviled.

What is submission not?

a. Submission is not a pattern for the general relationship between men and women. Men are not the heads of women; husbands are the heads of their own wives. Women do not submit to men in general; they submit to their own husband. A woman may affirm and nurture the leadership of worthy men other than her husband, but this does not give them headship over her.

I have one head. I submit to one man.

b. Submission is not based on the husband's superior intellect, morality, Bible knowledge, education, or better relationship with God, or any corresponding inferiority or weakness in the wife.

1 Corinthians 11:3 "...the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God."

The head of Christ is God. Is God the Father in any way superior to Christ? Review the verses from Part Two if you need. For example: John 10:30 "I and the Father are one." This is not a merit-based system. It's a role, an assignment, not a system of reward and punishment. Any one individual husband may or may not have any or all of the above commendations, but that matters not a hill of beans when it comes to submission. We do this because God says to, not because our husbands "deserve" it. If I submit because I'm a mindless idiot or spineless doormat, what glory does that bring to God? Very little.

c. Submission to your husband is not a replacement for your first love.

God created my heart; I can allow Him to satisfy it. No man can. Only an omnipotent God can "meet my needs." It would be unfair to expect my husband to do what only God can do. I must be careful with my expectations; husbands make lousy idols.

While I'm here, a note of clarification on the phrase "as to the Lord" in the Ephesians passage. This does not mean, as I once assumed, "treat your husband like he's God." Absolutely not! This is more along the lines of

1 Corinthians 10:31 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

By which I mean, we do not submit to our husbands as if they were God. We do it because we are submitting to God when we do anything out of loving obedience to God. We obey God by obeying his command to submit to our husbands. We submit because we love God, trust God, believe God when He says this is the way He made marriage and this is how He wants it to function. We trust the divine plan. We do not submit because our husbands "deserve" it. We submit because God does.

Acts 5:29 "We must obey God rather than men."

We do not follow our husbands into sin. If a husband asks his Christian wife to sin with or for him, she rightly refuses. For example, even if the husband forbids it, a Christian woman should: Go to church. Teach her children about God. Not lie for her husband. Refuse to participate with him in immorality. More on this in Part Four.

d. Submission is not as scary as it sounds. We trust a sovereign God as we follow a fallen man. We do not submit because our husbands do not make any mistakes. We submit because God makes none.

e. Submission is not carte blanche for the husband to do whatever he wants. Reread the Ephesians passage above for what is required of the husband. "gave himself up for her...love their wives as their own bodies...nourish and cherish..." Unfortunately it needs to be said, submission is not a license for abuse. Not only does a wife not follow her husband into sin, she does not turn a blind eye to his sin. More on this in Part Four.

f. Submission is not the defining characteristic of the Christian woman. It is one aspect of the marital relationship. Nothing more, nothing less. I'm giving lots of space to it here because it can be so readily misunderstood. Women are not always taught how to do this properly or given a theological perspective from which to approach difficult passages, so I want to provide that. But there is more to life, and there is more to marriage.

So, what does submission look like?

a. A disposition, an inclination, not a fixed set of rules and behaviors. It looks different for every woman, in every situation.

b. Expectancy. Expect God to lead your family through your husband, and look for it. Watch for God's wisdom and leadership to come through him. When Jesus was a small child and the family needed to escape to Egypt, how did God guide them?

Matthew 2:13-14 "...behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, "Rise, take the child and his mother, and flee to Egypt, and remain there until I tell you, for Herod is about to search for the child, to destroy him." ¹⁴And he rose and took the child and his mother by night..."

Obviously Mary is perfectly capable of hearing from God, and He is gracious in His dealings with her. She is the first person on Earth to know of the coming Messiah. In Luke 1 the angel Gabriel announces to her "Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you!" But down the road a few ways, when God has news for her family, Joseph is the first to hear about it.

It is no different for our families. Part of what submission looks like is our general expectation that our husbands will be hearing from God about things that concern the whole family. Not because we can't receive guidance from God for ourselves; hopefully we do frequently. And not because our husbands are any better at listening than we are. But God has said it will often happen this way, and we believe God.

c. Diplomacy. We honor our husbands with our speech.

Proverbs 14:1 "The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down."

The things men do to destroy marriages are, generally speaking, more public and obvious than the things women do. This is a broad generalization, of course. But many marriages have fallen ostensibly because of the husband's unfaithfulness, when actually the wife has been tearing her house down with her tongue for years.

We should speak honorably to our husbands. You do like the guy, right? So act like it, and speak kindly. Golden rule and all that. Sometimes I say things to my husband, cruel things, that I would never say to a friend, or even a stranger. This should not be. And we should speak honorably about him to friends, in front of the children, and on the phone with mom. Don't share his sins and weaknesses. Would you want him to do that? Women like to gab when we get together. This is not news. But how often do you hear a girl say things about her husband which would devastate her if she heard him say the same about her?

But what about my freedom?

Haven't I been liberated?

John 8:32-36 ...you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." 33 They answered him, "We are offspring of abraham and have never been enslaved to anyone. How is it that you say, 'You will become free'?"
34 Jesus answered them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin. 35 The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son remains forever. 36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."

Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

True freedom is found in deliverance from sin through Christ.

It is not found by giving in to every impulse you have, the moment you have it. There are sensations of unbounded independence that certainly feel free. But they are not true freedom, because they deny God's truth, the ultimate reality, and will eventually lead to calamity.

Think of skydiving. Wouldn't it feel more free to fall without the "encumbrance" of a parachute? All those straps, the extra weight...it must feel confining. But obviously you will very rapidly become a slave to gravity. Or a train. Mustn't it get old, running along the same tracks everyday? Wouldn't it feel "liberating" to leave behind the tracks and make a path for oneself, out in the green pasture?

We find our greatest and truest freedom when we loose the bondage to the sinful self. If I can learn to discipline myself to not follow every desire, to not pursue every path that looks nice from my perspective, to not act on every transient emotion, or believe every cultural influence that writes a magazine article, I will ultimately experience much greater freedom. Sometimes we must endure a discipline that at first feels restrictive in order to be released from bondage we hadn't even realized we were in.

Do we trust our Creator? Does He want our ultimate freedom? Or do we know best?

Here is the flip side: True freedom is NOT found in legalism, either. Submission gets a big name in some Christian circles, and there are women who wear it like a badge of honor.

Galatians 5:1 For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm, therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

Submission to God's design in faith is liberating. Submission to a man out of legalism is suffocating.

..................................................................

Much of this material adapted from Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.

Stay tuned for Part Four: Conflict and Sin. How does a Christian woman conduct herself in a fight? How does she respond to the sins of her husband? What protection is available for her?

Biblical Femininity Part Two: In the Image of God

2009-08-12T15:37:00.004-05:00

(Please read Part One first.)

What does it mean to be made in the image of God, as a woman, as an individual, and as a wife?

I encourage you to take a second to read all of Genesis 1 & 2 before we get started. And then I'll just call your attention to a few key verses:

Genesis 1:26-28 Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth."27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth."…..

Gen. 2:6-8 and a mist was going up from the land and was watering the whole face of the ground— 7 then the LORD God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature. 8 And the LORD God planted a garden in Eden, in the east, and there he put the man whom he had formed...

Gen 2:18 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."

Each individual is made in the image of God. You, a woman, by yourself, reflect the image of God, the imago Dei, and stand alone before Him. But there is also a social aspect to that image. How does God describe everything in creation up to the making of man? "And God saw that it was good." But then what? Verse 2:18 "It is not good that the man should be alone." Just as the Trinity exists in relationship; we were made to exist in relationship. The task assigned to the image bearers ("be fruitful and multiply," 1:28) cannot be performed by an individual. The Trinity has perfect harmony, perfect unity, perfect intimacy and communication.

But what does that look like? How do the members of the Trinity relate to one another? Is it egalitarian? Is there structure? Roles? Authority?

Psalm 30:10 "Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me! O LORD, be my helper!"

Psalm 54:4 "Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life."

Psalm 118:6-7 "The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? The LORD is on my side as my helper; I shall look in triumph on those who hate me." (this verse also quoted in Hebrews 13:6)

Did you notice that? The psalmist is referring to God as his helper. This is clearly more than a secretary, right? An assistant, to iron shirts and bring the coffee? Hardly. Let's not forget that this is the LORD, the "upholder of my life," about whom we say:

Psalm 104 ²⁷These all look to you,
to give them their food in due season.
²⁸When you give it to them, they gather it up;
when you open your hand, they are filled with good things.
²⁹When you hide your face, they are dismayed;
when you take away their breath, they die
and return to their dust.
³⁰When you send forth your Spirit, they are created,
and you renew the face of the ground.

It is this God, the very same one, who is described as our helper.

Keep reading as Jesus discusses His relationship with the other members of the Trinity:

John 5:16-23 And this was why the Jews were persecuting Jesus, because he was doing these things on the Sabbath. 17 But Jesus answered them, "My Father is working until now, and I am working." 18 This was why the Jews were seeking all the more to kill him, because not only was he breaking the Sabbath, but he was even calling God his own Father, making himself equal with God.
19So Jesus said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of his own accord, but only what he sees the Father doing. For whatever the Father does, that the Son does likewise. 20 For the Father loves the Son and shows him all that he himself is doing. And greater works than these will he show him, so that you may marvel. 21 For as the Father raises the dead and gives them life, so also the Son gives life to whom he will. 22 The Father judges no one, but has given all judgment to the Son, 23 that all may honor the Son, just as they honor the Father. Whoever does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent him.

John 10:30 "I and the Father are one."

John 12:49-50 "For I have not spoken on my own authority, but the Father who sent me has himself given me a commandment—what to say and what to speak. 50 And I know that his commandment is eternal life. What I say, therefore, I say as the Father has told me."

John 14:6-11 Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 7 If you had known me, you would have known my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him. 8 Philip said to him, "Lord, show us the Father, and it is enough for us." 9 Jesus said to him, "Have I been with you so long, and you still do not know me, Philip? Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, 'Show us the Father'? 10Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own authority, but the Father who dwells in me does his works. 11 Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father is in me, or else believe on account of the works themselves.

John 14:15-17 "If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth..."

Perhaps most dramatically:

Matt 26:39 And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, "My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will."

Within the Trinity, there is a voluntary, functional subordination of the Son and Spirit to the Father.

Do not miss this: within the Trinity, there is a VOLUNTARY, FUNCTIONAL SUBORDINATION of the Son and Spirit to the Father.

God Himself is not too proud to be our "helper."

Christ the Lord is not unwilling to be a servant.

Are we really too proud? Too good for this?

Listen to this: "This is a way that women are made in the image of God. Willingness to subordinate oneself to others for God's sake is itself a component of the image of God, not a compromise thereof." *

Does that make anyone else stand up a little straighter?

As I take a good honest look at my beloved Christ, suddenly I feel less embarrassed to proclaim the doctrine of submission.

Submission is not always taught in a Trinitarian context, and I think that's a shame. It is a dangerous thing to teach without the framework of the Godhead. Without the God-man Jesus, it just seems like subjugation of women. I get that.

BUT we follow a God who delights in turning our "wisdom" on its ear. If "helper" means what we think it means, it's not a good idea to use that word in reference to God. If our "dignity" is dependent upon our "rights" being protected, then our dignity is a very delicate thing. If we think it's degrading to "submit" to an equal, then Christ was degraded. Of course it doesn't make sense. If it did, would it honor God in quite the same way? I mean, does it "make sense" for Jesus to submit to the Father in such a way, to be humiliated as a human baby and child, to suffer a cruel, naked death after a mock trial?

Philippians 2:3-11 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

* This quote and much of this material was pulled from the chapter titled "Men and Women in the Image of God" written by John Frame in the book Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, edited by John Piper and Wayne Grudem. Highly, highly recommended.

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Next up, Part 3: Submission: What does it look like? What it is, what it is not.

Part 4: But what if he _____? Conflict resolution within the context of submission.

Biblical Femininity Part One

2009-08-02T20:47:00.005-05:00

I was asked to help lead a seminar on Biblical Femininity a couple of months ago at Christ Church. I enjoyed the opportunity immensely. I have wrestled with this subject for years, and God has been gracious to lead me gently. I have found that God is not afraid of our honest questions and will lead us (eventually) beside still waters, if only we will follow.

I have wanted to transfer the notes from my talk onto here for some time. I hope they will be a helpful resource for women of the Church. Please know that I approach this as a fellow struggler who has learned much the hard way. I just laugh at the irony that I am teaching this subject at all, given how desperately I have fought it. If you resist it, or chafe under it, know that I have as well, and keep at it. Just don't give up; there is treasure there. Don't release God until He has blessed you through this.

If you prefer to listen to the audio version, it is here. Please don't laugh at me; I'm not a professional speaker. It's not as polished as I would like.

Part One: Foundational Biblical Truths

We have to begin here. When we struggle with the specifics of certain Biblical doctrines, it often reflects dis-ease in fundamental Gospel truths. Let me give you an example: If I am fearful that following God's instruction will leave me powerless and defenseless, that actually reflects a lack of trust in God's gracious and omnipotent provision for me. I can analyze the cultural implications of the particular instruction all day long, but I won't experience spiritual growth until I deal with the broader reality. Another example: If I refuse to accept a difficult teaching because it "doesn't feel right," I am trusting my own fallen heart above the absolute authority of Holy Scripture. If I hold the Bible in one hand, and my instinct in the other, and weigh them equally, I am thinking much more of myself than I ought.

So when I find myself chafing under some of these specific ideas that we'll get to later, very often it can be traced back to one of these core issues. That's why I start here.

a. God is all-powerful and all-knowing.
He knows what I feel, need, and desire. He knows what is best for me, how I may best glorify Him. He cares for me with strength and power. I do not need to be afraid. He has a plan for me, and all strength to enact that plan and protect me, even when from my limited perspective I cannot see that plan and may feel vulnerable.

b. God is all-loving, gracious and good.
Jer. 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
God is righteous and compassionate. He can be trusted. He will hear me and care for me, and His care for me will always be good.

c. I am fallen and sinful.
Jer. 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?"
My heart cannot be trusted. Sometimes my emotions are misleading, and it would be better to pay attention to eternal truth. Oprah, et al. would have us believe otherwise, but we can't always "find our own truth."

d. I am precious to God.
He redeemed me at great price. My obedience is the natural response to His love and sacrifice.

e. God gave His word as a gracious gift to me.
I can go to His word expecting to find wisdom and grace.
John 8:32 "and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

If these aren't registering deep within your soul as truth, the rest of what I have to say will not resonate for you either. You may even experience profound and violent opposition. Don't try to grapple with things like headship and submission outside the context of the sovereignty of God. Of course they won't work; they were never designed to function in an atheistic vacuum. These presuppositions are necessary for what follows. Please don't forget them. God asks much of us, and it can be overwhelming if we lose the big picture. Hold on to the Gospel. Don't lose sight of the cross.

Don't stop wrestling.

12 weeks and all's well

2009-07-30T13:18:00.002-05:00

I just had to share that I'm feeling much better now. I'm twelve weeks along, and the fog of morning sickness and fatigue has started to lift. I just caught myself flipping through my Julia Child cookbook, daydreaming and drooling. That's a very good sign.

I'm not 100% yet, but the fact that food sounds interesting, and I have the energy to prepare it, is wonderful. I'm starting to feel like myself again.

Happy Birthday Betty Rose

2009-07-18T18:07:00.002-05:00

Happy birthday, sweet girl.

You are one of the happiest people I have ever been around. You just giggle and smile all day long. You are getting taller and thinner, and don't look much like a baby at all. But still, three sounds too old.

You are swimming well now, and you like to cook with mama. You love to paint and color with markers. You sing constantly.

Happy birthday, princess.

It's my birthday, too. But we don't have to talk about that.

Oh, and by the way:

I'm pregnant. Baby #3 is due next February.

Happy weekend.

...

Wedding Pictures

2009-06-30T17:33:00.003-05:00

Justin's sister, Amberly, was married here last Saturday. The wedding was small and intimate, held right in our front yard, officiated by their grandfather. We were honored to be a part, and little Betty was recruited as flower girl. Welcome to the family, Uncle Tommy. Here are some pictures:

If for some reason you can't see the slideshow, click here.

For Pete's Sake.

2009-06-09T15:46:00.003-05:00

Jonas: I think we should do something different. Let's play a game.

Mommy: How about read a book?

Jonas: No.

Mommy: Paint?

Jonas: No.

Mommy: Cut?

Jonas: No.

Mommy: Math?

Jonas: No. We can't do school, or read a book, or anything..... anything..... book-y. Now what game do you want to play, for Pete's sake?

Snakes Alive, Jonas is Five

2009-04-21T20:45:00.007-05:00

Happy birthday, sweet boy. Five years ago, you came along and changed everything. Everything. I am so glad you did. Sweet little firstborn, you are a big boy now. I'm so proud of you.

You love your cowboy jeans, and for some reason neckties. You love to play with your wedgits, and your favorite birthday gift was play-doh, of all things. You wanted Cici's pizza for dinner, to play air hockey with Daddy, so that's what we did.

You are a kind and protective big brother to little Betty. You like to "play bedtime," and you "read" her a book, tell her a story, pray with her, and snuggle her. Just like mama does with you both.

You have lots of questions about God. You try to think of things that God doesn't have, things you love that won't be in heaven, information God doesn't know, or things that are bigger than God. You haven't come up with anything to stump Daddy yet. I hope you keep asking.

You don't like reading or cooking or snuggling with mama quite as much as you used to, and I'm seeing glimmers of a "big boy" who wants to come out. That big boy wants to run around outside with the goats. I'll admit to bittersweet feelings about that.

You had a snake party. You had fun.

Happy birthday, Jonas. I love you.

...

Happy Belated Easter

2009-04-17T15:49:00.001-05:00

Does that title even make sense?

It's not that I forgot. It's just that, you know, life happens. Sometimes the blog takes awhile to catch up.

So I made Betty this sweet little Easter outfit, and then she was sick and we missed church.

Oh, and I found the decapitated head of a bunny in the yard.

On Easter morning.

Sometimes you think a day is going to go a certain way, and then it just doesn't, you know?

Sometimes you applique a toile bunny on a t-shirt, and sew a sweet little tiered skirt.

Sometimes, Mamaw brings over a sweet little Easter bonnet and gloves.

Sometimes kids get fever.

Sometimes your kid gets blue Easter egg dye on her face and looks like Pat Benatar.

And sometimes your dog eats the Easter bunny.

But Jesus is alive, and nothing else matters.

So we celebrated anyway.

See how gravely ill she is?

Cough, cough.

All this posing and cuteness is hard work, Mom.

I'm not sure why the boots. Maybe the bonnet makes her think of a cowgirl?
Personally I would have gone with a ballet flat, but to each his own.

See the eyeshadow? Blue fingers I expected, but the face?

Why did I let her dye her own eggs??? Have I learned nothing?

A post about food

2009-04-16T19:27:00.002-05:00

This just came in the mail. Don't you want to eat those fries right now?

Oh, and I made strawberry jam. Yum. And the most flattering picture ever.

Zoo Day

2009-04-15T15:22:00.006-05:00

I took the kids to the zoo last week. It was fun all around.

I would love to know what they're both thinking.

I don't know where she gets this instinct to "pose." This is by the komodo dragon.

This is by the lions. They like to stand on the fence.

Standing on the fence at the elephants.

Standing on the fence at the giraffes. See that leg up? She kept trying to climb in.

There she goes again.

Complete with a choo-choo ride at the end.

Inch by Inch, Row by Row

2009-04-06T15:28:00.004-05:00

I planted my very first garden. Justin has done it a few times, and mom always gardened, but I've never before had much interest. I'm starting small, just a little 4'x8' bed. Texas Edible Landscapes, aka our friend John, made the box for me. At his advice I added lava sand, rock phosphate, cotton burr compost and organic fertilizer. Justin and his G-Dad helped me plant yesterday and set up the drip irrigation. I planted tomatoes, yellow squash, zucchini, and some herbs.

Jonas planted watermelon and cantaloupe:

and Betty planted green beans.

Everything is covered up now; it may frost tonight. Poor little baby plants look small out in the cold and wind. I hope the little buggers don't die yet; that would just be depressing.

Wish me luck.

...

100 Easy Lessons

2009-04-01T08:41:00.004-05:00

I've been using Teach Your Child to Raad in 100 Easy Lessons by Siegfried Engelmann with Jonas, and I've really loved it. I'm surprised that I like it, honestly, because it's very structured. It tells you exactly what to do, even has a verbatim script of how to explain something or give instructions. I would have thought that would be awkward, but I love it. I don't have to think about how to explain a concept, or spend any time planning a lesson, or trip over my words over-explaining something simple. I can focus all of my attention on watching Jonas, making sure he's tracking along and doing well. I'm thinking about him, not about my own words.

From the introduction:

"Typically, the [teachers] attended either to the content they presented or to the behavior of the children they were trying to teach. When they attended to the behavior, they frequently became verbose, repetitive, and often bumbled. When they talked too much (which they frequently did), their delivery suffered because their pacing became poor. The children became confused and lost interest....[With a script] the teacher could now concentrate primarily on delivering the content, not on trying to create it or design ways to 'get it across.' "

Um, are they hiding in my pantry? I do that, and I'm only teaching one child.

Does this mean I do better with a prescribed, structured curriculum? So far I've been in the Official Homeschool Winging It Philosophy. Maybe I should rethink that.

I love the way the material is broken down into quick easy lessons. They take about 12-15 minutes, including a brief writing practice at the end. On my own, I try to do way too much in a single lesson. My last school experience was medical school, and so I have some learning to do about the preschool pace. Each lesson feels very doable to Jonas, with small incremental changes in content. There is always something new or slightly more difficult, but it's a small enough chunk that it feels very manageable to him. He enjoys the lessons and is proud of what he's learning. He's never yet felt overwhelmed.

I also like the order sounds are presented. The most reliable and common letters are presented first. (By reliable, I mean that the letter always makes the same sound, like M or S, and unlike C or G.) Vowels are given phonetic symbols, like the line above long E, that are gradually phased out. 'th' is presented as a sound, as if it were a separate letter. So at lesson 22, Jonas is very comfortable with about 11 letters, but they are very common letters that can make up lots of words and even short stories. X and Q can wait until lesson 74.

If I had tried this a year ago, he would not have been ready. I'm sure some kids are, but not the J-Man. Even last summer and early fall, he would get very frustrated when we practiced writing. He started avoiding it altogether. Part of that may have been his age, and I'm sure my teaching approach was too intense for him. This book slows me down, in a good way. After he got so frustrated, I put reading aside, and didn't even ask him to write his name for a few months. Then we started this program in the spring, and now he's loving it. He asks to write. He always asks how words are spelled, and tries to read everything he sees.

I aim for a lesson a day, but fall very very short of that. We're on lesson 22, and we've been doing this maybe 2 months. If we reach a point where he plateaus and starts to get frustrated, we can take a break. I won't force him. But so far, so good.

I love hearing from other homeschool mamas about what they're doing. What's working? What's not?

...

Tap, tap....

2009-03-26T14:03:00.002-05:00

is this thing on?

I don't know why I haven't written in awhile. I think I just got a little bored with my blog, honestly. Perhaps the facelift will help? I follow blogs in a reader, so it doesn't matter much to me what the design looks like, but maybe some people still read them the old fashioned way. But this looks kind of pretty, no?

So....what shall we talk about? I've forgotten how to do this. Pour yourself a cup of tea, I might ramble.

I'm leading a seminar on Biblical Femininity for the church. That goes in the category of "If you had told me ten years ago what I would be doing now I would have laughed at you."

(That's a large category, by the way.)

But I think it will be fun. Having wrestled those ideas from every angle, I feel comfortable where I've finally landed, for maybe the first time ever. So I'm happy to help other ladies wrestle their way along.

And in that same category, I've been enjoying milking June Carter Cash, and making chevre and yogurt. I milk the goat, make yogurt, put it in the vitamix with strawberries and local organic greens, and go bake some whole grain bread. And do some homeschooling.

(Who am I???)

This post really has me thinking. When I first left my job, I struggled with missing the sense of accomplishment. It took me awhile (maybe 2 years or more) to learn to get that same feeling from housework. Cooking more than cleaning, still. Maybe that's why I go overboard with the Susie Homemaker/Prairie Woman business. Still craving a fix of "getting stuff done." I do a lot FOR my family, more than just WITH them. Especially the kids. Sometimes I'm too busy cooking for them, cleaning for them, teaching lessons for them, to just enjoy them and BE WITH them. I feel like I work well and rest well, but there is a spot somewhere in between, maybe a less efficient work that makes more room for relationships, that I have trouble finding.

Does anyone else fight this? Did moms a hundred years ago feel this way, or is it a more recent phenomenon, with the comparison to the working mamas? Or remembering the efficiency of our pre-baby, professional selves? Or maybe I've just always been this way. I kind of think it's just in my personality.

I had a sweet/sad little sentimental moment this morning. I'm loaning my Pump in Style (that sounds better than just "breast pump", right? i'm trying to be sensitive to the male readers here. you're welcome.) to a friend. i dug it out of the closet and turned it on to make sure it was in good working order. Instantly, that little whooshy sound took me back. I didn't pump much for Betty (she hated bottles), so I was transported back to Jonas' babyhood. I spent so much time in little pumping rooms at Ben Taub (that's the Harris County hospital where I was a pediatric intern, for the uninitiated). I remember sitting there, not minding the inefficiency of this 20 minutes every 3 hours, wishing I was home with the little man. Pumping is a huge annoyance, but it was the least I could do, i hated being away from him so much. I really hated working after he was born. I'm glad I tried it, but it was pretty gut-wrenching. So I overcompensated with the pumping. I was a pump nazi, taking herbs and meeting with lactation consultants, walking out of ICU rounds to pump, whatever i had to do to make sure the little guy never had to take formula. That was my way of being there for him.

I remembered all of that in an instant. That feeling of wanting him in my arms, of never being able to do enough, of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, doing something very unnatural in so many ways.

So now, however much I sometimes miss the efficiency and accomplishment of work, I am so thankful I'm not there. I would not trade this mess and noise for anything.

...

Community

2009-01-31T09:18:00.003-06:00

Justin preached on community this past Sunday. That topic is dear to my heart, and I think it was a very important sermon for our community. I have the outline and just a few of my notes below. If you would like, the entire sermon is available on iTunes. Just search Christ Church Brenham from the iTunes store.

The sermon is part 3 of a three week series on the core values of our church, which are proclamation, service, and community.

We believe that the Christian faith is a call to Community.

Therefore we embody the Gospel by living a shared life of intimacy, hospitality, and generosity as we establish a family of pilgrims on a journey of faith together. (This is something beyond "hanging out." Intimacy requires honesty and vulnerability, and our example is the Trinity. Hospitality is "love of stranger.")

GOD exists in COMMUNITY. The Trinity has existed eternally together in perfect harmony, with perfect unity and perfect individuality.

GOD created us to live in COMMUNITY. After God made the earth, seas, sun, moon, plants and animals, "it was good." But what was not good? "For man to live alone." Part of what it means to be made in the image of God is to be made for community.

GOD’S gifts are realized in COMMUNITY. You may have been made as a finger, shoulder, or pinky toe. To fully realize your created purpose, you need the body. If you feel isolated and purposeless, this may be why. And the body suffers without its members. Your church needs you.

GOD’S blessings are enjoyed in COMMUNITY. I was with Betty in the nursery for this point. Sorry; no notes.

GOD’S mission is completed through COMMUNITY. See Jesus' High Priestly prayer, John 17. 20"I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, 21 that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me." We are to be one LIKE the Trinity, SO THAT we may be in God, SO THAT the world may believe. More here.

THREE FINAL THOUGHTS:

COMMUNITY is not an excuse. (to avoid solitude, to speak without discretion)
COMMUNITY is not a country club. (not for ourselves only, we can be in community with people who are very different from us, it is used as an outreach)
COMMUNITY is not a substitute. (time with friends complements but does not substitute for community with God Himself)

I encourage you to listen to this full sermon. And if you don't have it, go get yourself some community. Blessings.

look at these kids

2009-01-24T11:07:00.002-06:00

Jonas and Betty are staying the night with Mamaw today. Justin asked Jonas to "clean your room and pack." These are the results:

Not too bad, and he didn't even need prodding.

He packed two clean shirts, a pair of pants, pajamas, socks, underwear, a toothbrush (in the outside pocket), and his Bible. We were pretty impressed.

Can you believe he still fits in the sink?

This is how I found her the other day. Alone in her bedroom, door closed, lights out, and a pint of Haagen Dazs.

That's my kind of girl.

Hib infection: what you need to know

2009-01-24T09:23:00.005-06:00

I haven't seen a lot of haemophilus type b infection. That's one of those diseases that the old-timers (and not even that old; this was around like 15 years ago) talk about, and tell the young docs they should be relieved not to have to worry about. When you suspect a child has epiglottis, which I've never seen, you don't even touch their mouth or throat until you are in the operating room. If you so much as put a popsicle stick on their tongue, their throat could spasm and they will choke to death right in front of you.

Like I said, horror stories.

Well, guess what? Five children have Hib infections in Minnesota, one has died. There is a shortage of vaccine right now, and young babies are given priority.

From CNN:

Three of the children had not received any vaccination because of their parents' decisions, not because of a vaccine shortage, officials said.
One of the infected children, a 5-month old, had not completed the three-dose series of the vaccination, and a 15-month old child had received all doses but had an immune deficiency.
The cases are not related and were in different counties, said Dr. Ruth Lynfield, Minnesota state epidemiologist.
But the shortage may be having an effect in the community.
"When there are high immunization rates, there is herd immunity," Lynfield said. "It may be that because of the shortage, that herd immunity has dropped. That first manifests in unimmunized children."
One in 20 children infected with Hib dies, according to the CDC. And survivors of the disease can become deaf; 10 to 30 percent have permanent brain damage.
"Parents may not realize the importance of this vaccine," Schuchat said. "The disease is still around."
People tend to "think it's gone because it has not been seen for a while. Clearly, the bacteria is in the community in Minnesota, and babies that haven't gotten their vaccines are at risk," she said.

From the CDC:

Hib disease is caused by bacteria called Haemophilus influenzae type b. Hib bacteria are spread through contact with mucus or droplets from the nose and throat of an infected person when they cough or sneeze. Hib can be spread by people who are ill with the disease. More commonly, however, Hib is spread by people who have the bacteria in their noses and throats but who are not ill.
Before Hib vaccines, there were about 20,000 cases of invasive Hib each year in the U.S. Invasive disease means that germs invade parts of the body that are normally free from germs. When this happens, disease is usually very severe, causing hospitalization or even death. Before a Hib vaccine was available, Hib was the most common cause of bacterial meningitis in the U.S. About 12,000 children each year—most of them younger than 5 years of age—got Hib meningitis. Meningitis is just one of the invasive diseases that can be caused by Hib. Hib can also cause life-threatening infections that make it difficult to breathe, including epiglottitis (infection in the throat) and pneumonia (infection in the lungs). Other forms of invasive Hib disease include blood, bone, or joint infections.

Despite the success of Hib vaccine, parents need to remember the disease is still out there. Hib can be carried in the noses and throats of people who are not sick from the disease. These people can spread Hib bacteria to infants and children who are not protected by Hib vaccine. Vaccinating infants protects them at a time when they are most vulnerable to disease. If vaccination levels get too low in the U.S., Hib disease could make a comeback.

I respect the right of parents to make their own decisions about vaccines. I understand the concerns. But it's easy to decide against vaccines when you've never seen or heard of the diseases they protect against. A lot of people depend on herd immunity to protect their unimmunized children, and that layer of protection is bound to wear thin as more people take that option. In this case a temporary vaccine shortage was sufficient to completely remove the herd immunity effect. Parents must decide for themselves, and there is a lot of confusing information out there. Part of an informed decision about vaccines must involve information about these outbreaks, and their consequences.

Stirring the pot, again

2009-01-16T12:46:00.008-06:00

"Every man has reminiscences which he would not tell to everyone but only his friends. He has other matters in his mind which he would not reveal even to his friends, but only to himself, and that in secret. But there are other things which a man is afraid to tell even to himself, and every decent man has a number of such things stored away in his mind." Fyodor Dostoyevsky

"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate....For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is not longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me." Romans 7:15 & 19-20.

Let me start this by asking for your grace, gentle reader. This is something to be approached with fear and trembling, and that is what I will attempt to do. Please bear with me.

I have always been blunt. That is good and bad. I was this way forever, and then medical school beat a little bit more tact out of me. It is surprising how few doctors are able to look someone in the eye and say "the cancer is back." Or "I'm sorry; your son is dead." Or "Yes, you should call your family now. It's time." We prefer to look down at the chart and mumble some doctor-speak while backing out the door.

So I pride myself on my ability to speak truthfully and directly and plainly.

Except when it gets me into trouble. Sometimes a little beating around the bush is not such a bad thing.

Hold your nose; here goes the cold water.

I took a test called the Implicit Association Test. You can find it here. I would very much appreciate it if you would take the "race" test and report back with your thoughts. (In brief, the test shows you pictures of faces, and asks you to quickly categorize them as "European American" or "African American." Then you are shown words such as pain, failure, joy, or laughter, and asked to categorize them as good or bad. Then the words and faces are mixed together, and you sort good words with the white folks and bad words with the black folks, and vice versa. If you find it more difficult to associate good words with black people, that's described as an implicit preference for whites.)

The test is not designed to detect hidden racism that the poor test taker did not know they harbored. No one is saying that if you score "Your data suggest a strong automatic preference for European American compared to African American" (my score report) that you are a closet member of the KKK.

But the test measures something, yes? The results are not random; and surely I can learn something from this experience.

I am not a racist. I have never been taught racism. I do not condone it. In any way.

It makes me so sad that I scored the way that I did. I wish I could change it.

At some level, for some reason, it is easier for me to associate positive traits with white people than with black people. And easier to attribute negative traits to black folks.

In any given situation, if I stop and think, even for a second, I will hopefully catch that fallacy and realize the irrationality. I don't really believe that white people are better or different or smarter or nicer or anything of the sort. But some aspect of my personality still tends to make those assumptions, at the level of gut instinct, when I don't stop and think. Or even for those few milliseconds before I stop and think.

So I guess my point is, I need to stop and think more often. And more quickly.

Or maybe the point is, I'm fallen and sinful, and I keep discovering more and more evidence of that fact in my own heart. (Why does this continue to surprise me???) Stopping and thinking is important, but only as a component of God's ongoing redemption at work in me. I need deliverance here. May He show grace. Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh? (Galatians 3:3) I am aware that willpower is insufficient to the task.

I'm glad I know this about myself. I wish it weren't there, but like a cancer, you have to know about it to take steps to get rid of it. The test served as a tutor, if you will. Or a CT scan, to keep with the medical metaphor. A Cat scan of the soul.

I'll copy over just a few of the most helpful tidbits from the FAQ section on the test website. Quotes are in blue. If you take a test, please, by all means, peruse that section to think about your results.

Familiarity: There is a known relation between familiarity and liking - people tend to like things that are familiar more than things that are unfamiliar. In this way, familiarity might be importantly related to implicit attitudes. So, there may be a role for familiarity in liking of the categories – people tend to like things that they are familiar with compared to things that they are not. What might emerge as an implicit prejudice may have its basis in unfamiliarity. I think this definitely applies to me. The simple fact is that most of my friends are white. I grew up in a town that was mostly white. Went to a college that is mostly white. My medical school was more diverse and that was a great experience; I could definitely use more diversity in my life. For me, that helps the "other" to become the "familiar."

Prejudice: So does this mean I am prejudiced? Social psychologists use the word 'prejudiced' to describe people who endorse or approve of negative attitudes and discriminatory behavior toward various out-groups. Many people who show automatic White preference on the Black-White attitude IAT are not prejudiced by this definition. It is possible to show biases on the IAT that are not consciously endorsed, or are even contradictory to intentional attitudes and beliefs. People who hold egalitarian conscious attitudes in the face of automatic White preferences may able to function in non-prejudiced fashion partly by making active efforts to prevent their automatic White preference from producing discriminatory behavior. However, when they relax these active efforts, these non-prejudiced people may be likely to show discrimination in thought or behavior. So I may be one of those people who may need to "make active efforts" to keep from behaving in a discriminatory manner.

I welcome feedback. I want to know what you think about this. Especially if you are uncomfortable or offended.

I'm putting myself out there, not because this is easy, but because I think it's important. This may not be politically correct, but I'm trying to be honest. I know I have much to learn. Much sin remains to be crucified. Much life to be regenerated.

Here's to redemption.

"So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:21-25.

...

The man, the legend

2009-01-12T20:36:00.005-06:00

Here's a bit about Dr. Ralph Feigin. (scroll down in the link, but also read about Dr. DeBakey.) He was President of my medical school and Chair of Pediatrics and Physician in Chief at Texas Childrens Hospital. I was blessed to be taught by him.

I lifted this one from Meena Julapalli on Facebook; hope she doesn't mind:

Several years ago, Dr. Feigin was flown to Washington, D.C. to meet with President George W. Bush at the White House. In the Oval Office, the President told him that he wanted him to be the next Surgeon General, an offer Dr. Feigin politely declined saying that he loved the job he had at TCH and Baylor and couldn't imagine himself doing anything else. Bush remarked "You can't say 'no' to the President," to which Dr. Feigin responded, "I said no to one [meaning George Bush, Sr.], I can certainly say 'no' to another."

Near the end of the meeting, Dr. Feigin excused himself to go to the restroom (yes, the Oval Office restroom) and when he returned, George Bush asked him if he had washed his hands.
Dr. Feigin said, "of course, I washed my hands -- I'm an infectious disease doctor."
POTUS: "Well, what did you think of the hand towels?"
Dr. Feigin: "Uh, they're nice, I guess."
POTUS: "You should take one as a souvenir."
Dr. Feigin: "No, thank you, that's alright."
POTUS: "No, really, I insist."
Dr. Feigin: "Uh, okay."

Dr. Feigin left hurriedly to catch his plane and stuffed the hand towel in the side pocket of his carry-on luggage. As he stood in the security line, he started to become slightly nervous that the security officers would search his bags and find a hand towel with the official Presidential seal on it. How was he going to explain that he didn't steal a hand towel from the President of the United States?

This story is from my friend Sujit Iyer, and typifies Dr. Feigin:

For those who remember hurricane Rita... it happened about 3 weeks after katrina, and in the midst of it all Houston had a city wide evacuation. TCH was in disaster preparedness mode and there was a meeting of heads of the hospital every 8 hours for the 48 hours before landfall....

So I'm at these meetings as chief to represent the residents, and there are people there from Nursing, Faculty, Maintenance, Food Services, etc.. in this huge conference room. As everyone is walking through their part of the disaster plan the maintenance guys get into an argument about where the main power breaker for the flood doors in the tunnel beneath the Feigin Center is (something I never knew even existed until that weekend).... they couldn't figure it out... then out of nowhere....

Dr. Feigin:, "Just walk down the hall on the way to the main flood doors, 20 yards before the door on the right there is a large box, either the third or fourth breaker down on the left will close the doors if the power goes out."

Engineers, ruffling through some papers.. "Mmmm, yeah, you're right Dr. Feigin."

Some people don't need blueprints.

May he rest in peace.

...

Personhood and the Trinity

2009-01-12T14:33:00.002-06:00

Because God is triune, he has eternally been personal and relational in his own being, in full independence from his creation. God has never had any unmet needs, "nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything" (Acts 17:25). Personhood becomes real only within realized relationships, and the reality of relationship can only exist where one has something or someone that is not oneself to relate to; if, then, God had not been plural in himself he could not have been a personal, relational God till he had begun creating, and thus would have been dependent on creation for his own personhood, which is a notion as nonsensical as it is unscriptural. Between the persons of the Trinity, there has always existed total relational harmony and expression; God is, from this standpoint, a perfect society in himself. Apart from the plurality in the Trinity, either God's eternal independence of the created order or his eternally relational personal existence would have to be denied.

From my ESV Study Bible.

Race, etc.

2009-01-09T22:11:00.002-06:00

So, there was a post here attempting to discuss race. Apparently it didn't come across the way I intended so it's gone. If it was the opposite of helpful then I apologize. That was not my intention.

Update: it seems I can't just leave well enough alone. I'm trying again. See the new post titled "Stirring the Pot, Again." I think I've expressed myself more clearly this time around.

It's beginning to look a lot like....

2009-01-07T20:51:00.003-06:00

...January?

How does one decorate for this time of year? My house looks absolutely spartan with the Christmas stuff gone. But I don't want to put out spring-y things yet. What to do?

I suppose in other climates you could have snowflakes and that sort of thing. But that feels silly here; it was 70 degrees today. I've got pine cones out, but that's just not cutting it. They've been out since October, and they're not exactly bursting with color.

I'm feeling like purple could work; it sort of bridges that gap between winter and spring. And birds maybe? Something with birds?

So help. What feels right for January? It must be distinctly non-Christmas-y, but not daffodils and tulips yet. And no snowmen.

If anyone suggests putting out pink hearts for Valentines Day I will have to shoot you.

Update: this is worth considering.

...

Up to Speed

2009-01-06T09:28:00.002-06:00

Whew, hi everyone! It's been awhile, right?

I'll just catch you up to speed quickly; the idea of a really thorough post about Christmas and New York is just too overwhelming.

Christmas was great. We drove all over Oklahoma to celebrate with family. Then we left the kids with my mom and Justin and I went to New York City for a few days. We had a great time; I feel like I could visit that city once a year and always discover something new things. I look forward to taking the kids....in a few years. I didn't care for midtown at all; the crowds make me crazy. I loved just exploring lower Manhattan, especially Greenwich Village. Little boutiques, bistros, and bakeries. So perfect. We saw a concert, had tea at the Plaza, toured the MOMA, took in a play, a stand-up act, and some amazing restaurants. We skipped the statue and Empire State Building; the lines were way too long. I love the urban life, but just in small doses. I was glad to come home to open spaces and green things.

So, yesterday Jonas drank a V8. A V8! Like with actual vegetables! He called it pah-sghetti juice. How cute is that?

He had been eating lentil soup, which I was excited about anyway. But he said that the part he liked best was "this red stuff," which was broth with lots of tomato juice. So I got a V8 out and gave it to him. (I can't stand the stuff, but I use it in pasta sauce. That's why it was in the pantry.) He liked it! He asked for another one later. So I'm thinking....I have a new way to get real food in my kids. I'm gonna have to invest in the big boy.

I'm realizing that lunch is the way to go to get the kids to try something new. Because I don't usually cook lunch, it's always something they like, like a PB&J or grilled cheese or pasta. We've done the "you'll eat what we eat" thing for dinner, but they just stopped eating dinner. They are content to live on two meals a day and skip dinner. That was a move in the wrong direction. So I'm going to have to suck it up and make real food for lunch. Leftovers, at least.

CHRIST CHURCH NEWS:
This Sunday will be the first service in the new building. Morning services! I'm so excited. The building is still in need of TLC. But it's come a long, long way. Just to see it clean, with no mold on the walls, is a huge step. The kids area is being painted today, the bathroom is almost done, and the guys made huge purchases at IKEA to furnish the nursery and foyer. Next stop: red shag carpet on the pews. It just has to go.

...

It's twins!

2008-12-21T19:28:00.001-06:00

June Carter Cash had her babies. Twins, a boy and a girl.

She's boarding for Christmas, so sadly they were not born here and will spend their first week away. But they're at a good home. Go here for pictures.

Psychology 101: Just following orders

2008-12-19T14:57:00.003-06:00

These experiments are absolutely fascinating to me. I remember watching video footage of the original Milgram study in undergrad, and I will never forget it. One thing they don't mention in this article is that the maximum voltage of 450 is clearly labeled "DANGER: LETHAL" on the machine.

I'm just copying this over from CNN:

Milgram, who also came up with the theory behind "six degrees of separation" -- the idea that everyone is connected to everyone else through a small number of acquaintances -- set out to figure out why people would turn against their own neighbors in circumstances such as Nazi-occupied Europe. Referring to Nazi leader Adolf Eichmann, Milgram wrote in 1974, "Could it be that Eichmann and his million accomplices in the Holocaust were just following orders? Could we call them all accomplices?"
His experiment in its standard form included a fake shock machine, a "teacher," a "learner" and an experimenter in a laboratory setting. The participant was told that he or she had to teach the student to memorize a pair of words, and the punishment for a wrong answer was a shock from the machine.
The teacher sat in front of the shock machine, which had 30 levers, each corresponding to an additional 15 volts. With each mistake the student made, the teacher had to pull the next lever to deliver a more painful punishment.
While the machine didn't generate shocks and a recorded voice track simulated painful reactions, the teacher was led to believe that he or she was shocking a student, who screamed and asked to leave at higher voltages, and eventually fell silent.
If the teacher questioned continuing as instructed, the experimenter simply said, "The experiment requires that you go on," said Thomas Blass, author of the biography "The Man Who Shocked The World: The Life and Legacy of Stanley Milgram" and the Web site StanleyMilgram.com.
About 65 percent of participants pulled levers corresponding to the maximum voltage -- 450 volts -- in spite of the screams of agony from the learner.
"What the experiment shows is that the person whose authority I consider to be legitimate, that he has a right to tell me what to do and therefore I have obligation to follow his orders, that person could make me, make most people, act contrary to their conscience," Blass said.
An update
Because of revised ethical standards for human subject research, this kind of experiment cannot be replicated exactly. But Jerry Burger, professor of psychology at Santa Clara University in Santa Clara, California, made some tweaks to see if Milgram's results hold up today. Watch an audio slide show for more on these experiments »
His study's design imitated Milgram's, even using the same scripts for the experimenter and suffering learner, but the key difference was that this experiment stopped at 150 volts -- when the learner starts asking to leave. In Milgram's experiment, 79 percent of participants who got to that point went all the way to the maximum shock, he said.
To eliminate bias from the fame of Milgram's experiment, Burger ruled out anyone who had taken two or more college-level psychology classes, and anyone who expressed familiarity with it in the debriefing. The "teachers" in this recent experiment, conducted in 2006, also received several reminders that they could quit whenever they wanted, unlike in Milgram's study.
The new results correlate well with Milgram's: 70 percent of the 40 participants were willing to continue after 150 volts, compared with 82.5 percent in Milgram's study -- a difference that is not statistically significant, Burger said.
Still, some psychologists quoted in the same issue of American Psychologist questioned how comparable this study is to Milgram's, given the differences in methods.
The idea of blind obedience isn't as important in these studies as the larger message about the power of the situation, Burger said. It's also significant that the participant begins with small voltages that increase in small doses over time.
"It's that gradual incremental nature that, as we know, is a very powerful way to change attitudes and behaviors," he said.
Stanford Prison Experiment
This idea of circumstances driving immoral behavior also came out in the Stanford Prison Experiment, a study done in 1971 that is the subject of a film in preproduction, written and directed by Christopher McQuarrie. Work on the film will resume in 2009 after McQuarrie's "Valkyrie" is released, his spokesperson said.
In this study, designed by Stanford's Zimbardo, two dozen male college students were randomly designated as either prison guards or prisoners, and lived in the basement of the university's psychology building playing these roles in their respective uniforms.
Within three days, participants had extreme stress reactions, Zimbardo said. The guards became abusive to the prisoners -- sexually taunting them, asking them to strip naked and demanding that they clean toilet bowls with their bare hands, Zimbardo said. Five prisoners had to be released before the study was over.
Zimbardo's own role illustrated his point: Because he took on the role of prison administrator, he became so engrossed in the jail system that he didn't stop the experiment as soon as this cruelty began, he said.
"If I were simply the principal experimenter, I would have ended it after the second kid broke down," he said. "We all did bad things in this study, including me, but it's diagnostic of the power situation."

What was so interesting to me was watching the poor subjects administering the shocks. They sincerely believed they were hurting, or even killing, a fellow participant, but they also sincerely believed that they didn't have a choice. The man in the white coat said to do it, and they did it. But they look so upset, they're in so much distress. They work so hard to "teach" the poor "student" the right answer, they really want them to get it right, and they don't want to have to shock them again. They don't know what to do, and the option of getting up and walking out just doesn't occur to most people. A few do, and they seem like ordinary people. We're not talking about Mel Gibson in Braveheart here. Normal folks. How are they different?

The original study mostly focused on authority and obedience, the idea that the people did what they did because someone told them to. And that's definitely a part of it. But the revision from 2006 seemed to remove a good portion of that, reminding subjects that they can leave anytime, and our society has changed a lot in its view of authority, and yet the results were very similar. Is it more of a desire to please, to behave as expected in any given situation? To be "normal"? We reference other people so much to know how to behave; I've mentioned that before here. The question is, at what point does that stop being helpful and normal, and become pathological?

I tacked the prison study on too, even though I'm most gripped by the Milgram study. Most people function to fulfill whatever "role" they think they've been assigned. Football teams with a "mean" mascot and black uniforms commit more fouls than players with a benign mascot and white uniforms. Why is that?

That's why I majored in psych. Fascinating stuff.

...

santa picture

2008-12-11T14:44:00.004-06:00

A big improvement over last year, don't you think?

...

More snow

2008-12-10T20:10:00.005-06:00

I couldn't help myself. I don't know why I get so carried away about snow. Something about growing up in the South makes me think snow is just absolutely magical and fascinating. Jonas thinks so too. Betty was a good sport, but really preferred to stay warm inside.

beth made this sweet little snowman. it took most of the snow from the backyard to do it.

this is unrelated to the snow. but oh my word.

...

IT'S SNOWING!!!

2008-12-10T15:56:00.007-06:00

That's right! Real live snow. Of course it's not sticking, and you can barely see it, but still. I had the hardest time getting it to show up in a photograph; this is the best I could do. You kinda have to squint.

Oh, and I made Christmas stockings. I used an old burlap feed sack. I think they turned out pretty cute.

Here are some close-ups:

And some random pictures of Jonas, just because. That's a snowflake by his right hand.

edit: it's coming down harder now, so i added more pics. couldn't resist.

Curlers, Round Two

2008-11-24T19:50:00.004-06:00

I know you're waiting on pins and needles, anxious about the next attempt at curlers. Will it work? Will she go vertical? What about the bangs? And frizz, oh horror, the frizz.

Well, you can relax. It went just fine, thankyouverymuch.

Does anyone want a play-by-play? Yes?

I put in twice as many, so they could be close together (thanks, Kim ). Curlers were inserted vertically on damp hair, sprayed with gel, wait 1 hour, blasted with the hair dryer, and removed vertically (thanks, Cat and Lynsey). No bangs. Sesame Street helped with this phase.

Don't they look like an old married couple?

The final product, my beauty queen:

Much better, no?

Thanks, mommy friends, for all your help!

...

First attempt at curlers...

2008-11-19T08:35:00.004-06:00

Did not go so well.

{I still need your comments on the post below!}

It started out fine. She looks cute with the curlers in.

But then it's wrong, all wrong.

Mothers of little girls, I need your help. Where did I go wrong?

I'm thinking maybe they should have been turned vertically?

...

It's that time again!

2008-11-18T10:07:00.002-06:00

Well, believe it or not, it's Christmas time again. I know!

Want to know how I figured that out?

I've gotten two, count 'em two, emails this week asking what the kids want or what size clothes they wear.

I can relate; it's hard to shop for other people's kids, so I try to help out with suggestions. But that feels kind of weird too. Do I just tell people what to get my kids? It feels like a wedding registry. Does anyone else have this problem?

So, to solve the awkwardness, I created a registry.

~~~~~~~~~~~(((((crickets)))))~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Does that make it worse?

Not really a registry, but an amazon.com wish list for both kids. It's under my name, since my kids don't yet have their own email addresses (what with the lack of reading and all). Family members who are so inclined can find my helpful hints there. *******No pressure******* (hopefully that goes without saying? no one is obligated to buy anything!). But some did ask for suggestions, so there you go. I'll probably get most of our gifts for them from the same list.

{On a side note: This is one small issue, set against the backdrop of the bigger issue of remembering that Christmas is a celebration of the Incarnation. That's a much bigger discussion. Kids don't do well when they get overwhelmed with a gazillion presents. It's actually less enjoyable for them, not to mention distracting from the greater purpose of the holiday. But I want to get them toys, they will get toys, and that's great. I even enjoy a little bit of the Santa nonsense. More to come on that another day. Here's a teaser.}

Back to toys. So here's my question for you.

What do your kids love? What have been their favorite toys, books, gifts, games, whatever? What are you hoping to get for them? What needs to be on my amazon list?

I'll go first with our favorites.

I've already mentioned the trampoline. I still wholeheartedly endorse it.

Jonas loves his VTech camera.

A little shopping cart. Although ours doesn't have the baby seat; how cute is that??? This has gotten constant use since Jonas was first learning to walk. Both kids at every age have found a use for it.

Anything for dress-up. Hats, capes, props.

Books: Brown Bear. Monkey Boy. Bear Hunt. Nightmare in my Closet. Who Stole the Cookie from the Cookie Jar? (Jonas learned to count from this). When they were babies the Roger Priddy books were great. Goodnight Moon. Goodnight Gorilla. Sam who Never Forgets. Runaway Bunny. The little Elmo puppet book.

I'm being lazy and doing this from memory. If you want authors' names just ask.

OK, now it's your turn.

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Sweet Kids

2008-11-12T14:57:00.005-06:00

Just some pictures of the kids.

Take a deep breath, nothing controversial today. Well, except maybe a Longhorns cap...

My dad sent a Durant Lions cheerleader dress for Betty. She looks so sweet in it.

This is how Jonas loves to dress, everyday. He has fully embraced the country life. Our family in Oklahoma might object to the hat, but you'll have to talk to Aunt Amberly about that.

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FAQ's

2008-11-06T22:25:00.002-06:00

Just in case you were wondering.

I'm a private person, and don't tend to write about personal things here. And maybe that's wise. But I want to be honest here, let you know who I really am. So I'll touch on some things that you may have wondered about. As they come to me.

1. Why I quit my job. I suppose that's a fair question, given the title of my blog. I always planned to be a stay at home mom, at least for awhile, probably not forever. My plan was to finish my residency in pediatrics, take a few years off to be home and have babies, and then return to work part time. It was not a bad plan, but it's not the way things worked out, and I'm so glad. My son was born during my first year of residency, and I decided against two more years of 80 hour workweeks. I craved more time with him. I thought I might work part time down the road, and I may someday. But I'm in no hurry. I really love being here. It was a hard adjustment, but hard in a good way, like exercise is hard. Like most things that are worth doing are hard.

2. What I believe about submission. Wow, this is a biggie. Just typing that word makes me feel all nervous, like, she's not really going to talk about that, is she? Well, apparently I am.

Here's the deal. I have found a way, after years of struggle, to embrace submission without feeling degraded. I have not always understood it that way, and have bucked against the concept. Mostly as a single person; if anything marriage made this easier, not harder. I tried to write off the Biblical passages as applying to the particular time and place where they were written, but I just can't do it. It doesn't work that way. There was a structure to marriage in the Garden of Eden. There is structure to the Trinity. These things are not accidental. They are not a result of the Fall. They are intentional design, and they are good.

This is not a thesis on womanhood. Maybe I'll write more another day, maybe not. But I had to at least get it out there, on the table. The most helpful thing for me has been to look to the Trinity. Jesus and the Spirit are both described as "submitting" to the Father. Same word in Greek, if I'm not mistaken. So clearly we are not talking about a difference in dignity or worth. This is not about ability or merit. The Spirit is described as a "helper" to the believer. This is not a secretary, right? An assistant, to iron shirts and bring the coffee? Justin likes to explain it as though "help" is a euphemism, as in "air helps me to breathe." As in, without this thing, I cannot go on.

AND, my submission to my husband "as unto the Lord" does NOT mean, like I once thought, "as if he WERE the Lord." I am not pretending that. They have a name for that, and it starts with an I. This is more along the lines of whatever you eat or drink, do it as unto the Lord. As in, serve God by doing this. Glorify God in this way, by trusting His leadership, His word. Practice submission, not because he deserves it, (he being the husband), but because God deserves it.

God has lots to say to the husband in all this, let's not forget. And my husband is diligent to do his part. That's a whole 'nuther post.

3. I'm a preacher's wife. Hubby's behind the pulpit. What girl wouldn't love that? Maybe some wouldn't, I don't know. I certainly didn't expect to, back in the day. Never, EVER dreamed I'd be a preacher's wife. I don't even play piano! ha. But I am his wife. And I love that job more than anything. I'm an ordinary wife. Not on staff at the church or anything like that. I love my husband, and it's his job to care for the sheep. And he's great at it. I'm so very proud.

4. Vaccines. Man, I'm just getting it all out there tonight! Here's the short version. I think vaccines are important, and have done way more good than harm. These diseases that they protect against are real, and they're deadly. We forget that, precisely because the vaccines have done their job. There may be more risk than we know, though. There are lots of questions out there. My hunch is that some children have a genetic hypersensitivity, a disposition to react badly to vaccines. That may be one of many, many contributing factors for some very complicated neurological disorders.

Here is one confusing fact: the natural history of autism, for most children, with or without vaccines, involves a fairly normal first two years and then some regression after the second birthday. That is hard to understand, and naturally causes many people to look for "what happened" to a seemingly normal child. But some genes just work that way. I am thinking of a family who had one child with autism. They felt the MMR vaccine was responsible. They had another child, chose not to vaccinate, and that child did the exact same thing. Seemed normal until two and then bam, autism. Or Parkinson's disease. Completely genetic. Normal development, normal life, until later adulthood, and then you get sick. Nothing "happened." The gene has been there since day one, sitting, waiting.

There are things that seem to suggest involvement of heavy metals, and the immune system gone haywire. Vaccines obviously would have some connection with both of those. There are things to suggest genetics. Also environmental pollution, potentially pesticides, and who knows what other thousands of exposures a young child could experience. I'm far from an expert. I'm an ordinary "entry level" physician, and an ordinary mom. Sort of thinking out loud here, if you don't mind. This isn't "professional advice" or anything.

So who knows? I think we really don't, right now. But I still believe vaccines are important. I vaccinate my own children, and would recommend that for any patient of mine. But I understand where parents are coming from when they express concern. Everyone wants to do what is best for their own child. Just do your reading, check your sources, think for yourself. Don't do something just because "Doctor knows best," but don't avoid something just because some person on Oprah said not to, either.

Well, I guess that's enough for tonight. Thanks for hearing me out. I don't mean to stir the pot; I'm not trying to start anything. If you have questions, that's fine, please, ask away. I just needed to say some things. Oh, man, I didn't even talk about homeschooling. Maybe next time.

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Baked Ziti with Summer Squash

2008-11-02T20:10:00.005-06:00

I made this for church last night and it went over well. Lots of people were asking for the recipe so I'll just post it here. Here's a quote from one of my favorite college students: "In all seriousness I think it was the best pasta I've ever had outside of a restaurant... actually I think it was better than half the pastas I have had at restaurants!" So there you go.

Topping:
4 slices white bread, quartered
2T butter, melted

Casserole:
1 lb summer squash, sliced in half lengthwise, then sliced into 1/2" pieces
1 lb zucchini, cut same way
3/4 lb penne pasta
kosher salt
4T olive oil
6 shallots, diced, about 1/2 -2/3 cup
4 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 c flour
1 1/2 c cream
2 1/2 c chicken broth
2 ounces grated Parmesan (1 cup)
3/4 c fresh basil, chopped
1/4 c fresh parsley, chopped
1 pint cherry tomatoes, quartered

1. Make topping. Pulse bread with butter in food processor until crumbly, about 6 one second pulses. Cover and set aside.
2. Set squash in a colander, sprinkle with 2T kosher salt, let sit & drain for 30 minutes. (If you don't have room in the sink, set the colander in a large bowl.)
3. Preheat oven to 400.
4. Cook the pasta in salted water until a little underdone. Toss with 1T oil and set aside.
5. Spread salted squash out over a double-folded papaer towel, pat dry with additional paper towels, wiping off residual salt. Heat 1T oil in a skillet on high until it starts to smoke. Saute half of squash until golden brown and a bit charred, 5-7 minutes. Transfer squash to a baking sheet or platter and repeat with other half of squash in fresh oil. (Doing this in batches allows all of the squash to be in contact with hot oil. If you put too much squash in at once some of it is just steaming on top, and it gets mushy.)
6. Wipe skillet out and heat 1T oil over medium-high. Cook shallots until soft, about 3 minutes. Add garlic, cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Add flour and cook, stirring constantly, until golden, about 1 minute. Whisk in broth and cream. Bring to a simmer for 1 minute or until slightly thickened, whisking frequently. Remove from heat and stir in parmesan, basil, and parsley. Season with salt & pepper.
7. Add sauce, tomatoes, and squash to pasta, stir to combine. Pour into a 9x13 dish and sprinkle with topping. Bake until bubbling and crumbs are lightly browned, about 15 minutes.

Notes:

To make ahead: Follow recipe through the sauce, but don't chop the herbs or add them to sauce. Refrigerate topping, pasta, squash and sauce in separate bowls, tightly covered in plastic wrap. When ready to bake, heat sauce, chop and add herbs, and assemble and bake casserole. It will bake for 20-30 minutes.
This is from "Cover & Bake," one of the cookbooks in the line of "The Best Recipe," published by the guys from America's Test Kitchen and Cook's Illustrated magazine. I love anything these guys do.
The point of the kosher salt is that it can be wiped off. No biggie if you need to use regular salt. You just won't want to add salt anywhere else.
Even if you don't want to make the casserole, please try the squash salting & sauteing trick. It's fantastic. I made it again today for lunch.
I know it's a little late in the year for summer squash. Sorry. Bring this recipe back out next July. My HEB actually has some pretty good squash right now, nice and small, not all overgrown like it usually is.
Nothing terrible will happen if you use onion instead of shallots. One regular onion will do just fine. Maybe not a very strong one.
Yes, that's a lot of basil. I used one package from the grocery store, but it wasn't quite the measurement listed, so I added some dried.
In my opinion the tomatoes are optional. I saw lots of people picking them out.
I didn't actually change oil between batches, or wipe out the skillet before the next step. Shhh.

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Better late than never, right?

2008-11-01T15:41:00.007-05:00

Is anyone out there still interested in a post about Halloween????

I finally got it together to show you pictures.

Some of the local mommies took the kids to visit the nursing home. Pretty uneventful, which I guess is a good thing.

Betty's costume was originally supposed to be a dress, but I changed it to a top and skirt. I thought she would get more mileage that way. But the dress bodice is a little short as a top. Since it's not a Britney Spears costume, I put a t-shirt under. Oh well. The skirt turned out cute. Also please notice the repaired horns on Jonas' costume. And no, the pom-poms are not a part of his costume. But isn't Braelyn cute as a cheerleader!

Oh, and apparently no one else enjoys the charm of homemade costumes as much as I do. Our group had 5 kids, and two classes of elementary students came by with about 30 kids, and my two were the only ones in homemade costumes. I didn't know whether to be proud or sad. What do you think? Charmingly old-fashioned, or just ordinary old-fashioned???

In other news:

The kids are muddy.

The hens are laying.

And June Carter Cash is definitely knocked up.

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One costume down...

2008-10-23T11:32:00.005-05:00

one to go.

jonas picked out patterns at wal-mart, and i just finished his "knight" suit of armor. kind of a viking-y knight, but whatever. i'll put a grey hoodie underneath to look like chain metal.

betty's costume still looks like this:

it's a good thing it's cold and rainy today!

edit:

ha! i just looked at the pattern, and i have the horns on backwards. they're supposed to curve up. that would look better, wouldn't it?

shoot, jonas just noticed. "mommy, i need it like his, to stick up and not go down."

grr!

the best cookies i've ever had

2008-10-14T11:46:00.002-05:00

go make these right now. but halve the recipe.

go on, scoot.

thanks, liz.

edit: pastry flour = cake flour. Swan's Down, big red box.

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No more Baby Sudafed

2008-10-07T17:14:00.003-05:00

I support this strongly.

No more cold & cough medicines will be marketed for children under 4. This is a good thing. They just don't work, and they're not as safe as you might think.

I've tried them, though, and I ought to know better. I know that in clinical trials they do no better than placebo, but it's so tempting to just try something, anything, when your baby is sick. I understand; I've been there. But it's better to not even have them around, because people assume they're safe and give too much. Or try two or three things, not realizing that some ingredients overlap and give an accidental overdose. Or toddlers get into them on their own.

So I'm glad.

I PASSED!

2008-10-01T08:21:00.004-05:00

I passed!!!!!

My step 3 score report came this morning. My score is just above average. It would have been nice to ace it, but I guess that's not too bad for four years of rust.

Snake in the Pantry

2008-09-16T15:44:00.005-05:00

You've heard of Snakes on a Plane, but now I bring you....

Snake in the Pantry.

I kid you not.

Sunday night, I was getting ready for a bedtime snack of waffles (I know). I pulled out the waffle iron and then.....gasp:

See it? Look closer:

It was coiled up behind the waffle iron, on the knife sharpener. Scared the pee out of me.

I did what any self-respecting, capable and competent adult woman would do.

"Honey, there's a snake in the pantry. You have to get it out."

Y'all, my husband is a brave man. He really is. But....not so much in the snake department. Justin was, shall we say, a bit apprehensive about fetching the snake for me. My mother-in-law was there, and she also was completely useless. (I love you guys, I really do. Even if you are useless when there's a SNAKE IN THE PANTRY.)

I should clarify. Justin was willing to get the snake, but not in a manner that I was willing to endorse. He was all ready to get the hoe and start chopping, but I put my foot down. I will not, WILL NOT clean up snake blood from all over the inside of my pantry. I WILL NOT have hoe chops and blood stains on my new wood floor.

Hubby was less than enthusiastic about my proposal of BBQ tongs, so I was on my own.

Let me tell you, I got that bad boy. I was already in my bathrobe (see "bedtime" above), so I added boots and the one leather gardening glove that I could find:

(disclaimer: This picture is a reenactment, taken after the fact. Note the carefree laugh.)

I pinned him once with the tongs, but he wiggled out. He then proceeded to crawl all over the pantry, in and out of drawers, eventually settling in the corner behind the crock pot. When Justin pulled out the crock pot (with a ten foot pole), he coiled and hissed at us. Eventually I managed to pin him down with a drawer that I yanked out on his head and grabbed him with two pairs of tongs and threw him in the trash can. He was jumping around in there like crazy, trying to climb out, while I ran across the kitchen with the can, trying not to fall down in my cowboy boots. I kept knocking him back down with the tongs, and yelling "Open the door! Get out of my way! Open the door!" I threw the whole can out the back door, where the kitty Tiger took him down with relish.

Looking back, we probably could have killed it with a hoe without too much bloodshed. Maybe we'll try that next time.

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de-hunkering

2008-09-15T16:59:00.002-05:00

the aftermath of hurricane ike has a strange feeling. we received absolutely no damage; in fact the rain was a benefit. but i have many friends who have no electricity and leaky roofs.

i just saw three black hawk helicopters fly down 290 right out my front door.

on the news i see palettes of FEMA "meal replacement equivalents" being unloaded by guys in camo in familiar areas of houston, near where i used to live. (i'm dying to know if they're any good.)

even my brenham walmart is eerily low on supplies. milk, meat, eggs, water, all completely empty. the parking lot is full of cars and RV's. all of the hotels in our area are full of evacuees.

i just saw an arial view of the energy company headquarters. they had hundreds of trucks. they're bringing crews in from out of state to try to get service back up. i saw several energy trucks going down the highway toward houston this morning. insurance company mobile units, also.

it's always a strange feeling to be on the receiving end of this sort of thing. i'm not receiving any aid or anything, but a city that i love is, and it's weird. i'm used to seeing these images on the news and thinking of them as the other side of the world. but this time they're not. they're close, and familiar.

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still hunkering

2008-09-13T13:46:00.002-05:00

we made it just fine. no flooding or damage in our area. just some wind and rain.

houston is mostly without power. any of my houston friends are welcome to come bunk with us. not that you can read this, i guess.

stay safe.

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hunker down

2008-09-12T19:36:00.005-05:00

i haven't decided yet how i feel about the phrase "hunker down," but i just saw someone on cnn use it with a straight face.

but that's what i'm doing. we're officially in the zone for "hurricane force winds" of 75+mph. the wind is starting to pick up, and it feels weird because it's from the north. you wouldn't think that would be a big deal, but it feels all wrong. the trees look funny, like they're not used to bending that way. the animals are acting weird. the rooster has been crowing all day, and the goats are bleating and restless. justin is letting them into the backyard so they can "hunker down" on the back porch. their barn isn't built yet. this morning we had scores of birds in our pond, fleeing from somewhere.

the white zone is for the 75+ wind. we live by the "m" in brenham.

i was going to load up on flashlights, but heb was sold out of everything except "high school musical" flashlights, so i've got five of those.

it is nice to live close enough to watch houston news. it's been live coverage all day. it's strange to see galveston, where i've been a thousand times. the street that my mil used to live on is underwater; i saw her building on tv.

well, i'd better go fill up the bathtub. i'll post in the morning if i have electricity.

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wish me luck

2008-09-08T10:43:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow is the big day! My licensing exam will be tomorrow and Wednesday.

It's all computerized. The first day and a half are multiple choice, then second afternoon is case-based. It's a strange software with simulated cases. I am presented with a patient and brief history ("65 year old man presents to the emergency room with chest pain"), and then I take it from there. If I want to know vital signs, I click on "order sheet" and type "vital signs" as an order. I don't get any information that I don't ask for . Or I can type "appendectomy" if that's what is needed. (Better not do that for Mr. Chest Pain, though. That would be bad.) Simulated time passes, so if I wait too long to remember the EKG, my patient could die. It's a very odd little software program.

I'm trying to think of it as a video game.

I feel ready, though. Studying has gone well. I could learn more with more time, but I am somewhat back in shape. It feels good to use these old muscles, clear some cobwebs from my brain. The first week or two of studying I couldn't focus for more than an hour or two. But yesterday I made six hours straight with only short breaks, and I could have done lots more if it wasn't time for church. I am happy about the progress I've made.

Big thanks to everyone who's helped out during this time of studying. Thanks to Mamaw and Beth for all of the hours of babysitting so I could study. Thanks to Sandra at the cafe for the gallons and gallons of sweet tea. And thanks honey for your support. I couldn't do it without you.

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"I can't do it by myself"

2008-09-08T10:08:00.004-05:00

Listen to what my son just said to me:

Mommy, we've got to clean up this house. There's food on the floor. I'll get the vacuum.

5 minutes later, tangled up with the vacuum hose:

Mommy, can you help me with the vacuum?

10 minutes later, after successfully vacuuming the kitchen:

Mommy, we have GOT to clean up this dad-gum house. There's play-doh and toys on the floor. It's a big, big mess. You've got to help me. I can't do it by myself. I'll get the toys. Will you please put away the cereal?

I promise I'm not a slave driver. I really don't make him clean the house. I did help him after that. ; )

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school supplies

2008-09-06T09:50:00.003-05:00

Does this make anyone else as happy as it makes me?

All that's missing is a bunch of sharp, yellow, real wood #2 pencils. But I never use pencils so I couldn't justify it.

Don't you just want to go write in a college ruled notebook?

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Into the fray

2008-09-04T16:26:00.004-05:00

i haven't yet committed to a position in the upcoming election. there are things i like about both candidates, and dislike about both. i feel strongly about issues on both sides. but i have to put my two cents in about one issue. so many christians out there are all riled up about a woman in authority. so here's where i stand, in case anyone was wondering.

some may be confused who recall that i was a deacon at our last church. allow me to remedy that confusion. deacon in that church, and at christ church today, was not a position of authority. that authority is concentrated on the elder board. deacon is a position of service, much like a "waiter" in original context. i hope that helps for clarity.

another qualification: the council for biblical manhood and womanhood is generally a great resource. i don't agree with 100% of their writings, in particular the harshly patriarchal tone some authors take. but i like the article linked above.

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