I so relate to this post (again a Sally Clarkson posting). A few selections:
I need real, velveteen rabbit sort of relationships--where you are old and worn out together and dirty from sharing life--but it has made you all the more precious to each other.
Sometimes I am so used to being strong and keeping going that I don't even recognize my need for other women. In days of old, people were born into and lived in their community their whole lives......Now, we live apart. ....So, we become used to fending for ourselves--taking care of all the details of life alone--and then suddenly we poop out and wonder where God has gone.
And husbands cannot fill all of our need for love that was meant to be filled by a community of people who loved us and by a gaggle of women who could share in all the feminine things of life--getting pregnant, bearing under morning sickness, living through the sleepless nights, nursing our babies, raising our children--cooking, cleaning, living loving--all to be shared with Titus 2 women who could come alongside us in love, friendship, spiritual and emotional and practical help.
What pressure we put on our husbands to fill us up and meet all of our needs for love, when God never intended one person to be able to do all of that!
"A gaggle of women"---I love that! One of the things I find most interesting about primitive cultures, such as in rural African villages, is the community of women. They live together all day, with the children together, doing chores alongside one another. Sounds kind of nice, doesn't it? I don't mean to romanticize it; modernity certainly has its advantages. But I can stand to learn much from my sisters there...
Let's not forget what Jesus prayed for us (JESUS PRAYED FOR US!) in John 17 (emphasis mine):
20"I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word,21that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us,SO THAT the world may believe that you have sent me.22 The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one,23I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me.
This passage is one of my favorites. I blogged about it here.
I love and need this type of community, and would like to see more of it especially with my women friends. You are beloved, but the stuff of life gets in the way all too often. May God grace us with perspective and time together.
Mark Bittman writes a food blog that I enjoy for the NY Times. In an interesting article he asks the provocative question: Is soda the new tobacco? Go read Soda: A Sin We Sip Instead of Smoke?
Lots to think about. I love me some Dr. Pepper, but he's right about the stuff. Go read it and tell me what you think.
I don't know if Mr. Bittman is a religious person or not (I only know he's my favorite cookbook author); the article certainly does not take that angle. The "sin" in the title just refers to "sin tax." And from a secular angle there is plenty to discuss. But he (probably unintentionally) got me thinking about the other kind of sin, also. Gluttony, I mean.
All of our appetites are God-given, and all can be misused. Food, sex, wine....all gifts. All vulnerable to perversion, and abuse. Abstinence from one or all is a valid option, but definitely not Scripturally mandated for all believers. But it seems like, in the current Christian (maybe just evangelical?) climate, the appetite for food is given fairly free reign. Gluttony isn't thought of as a "real" sin.
It is an issue of control. Appetites should not be allowed to control us. Do not be a slave to wine...or to Dr. Pepper, or french fries, or Ronald McDonald. Or to anything else except Christ. In our culture it's surprisingly easy and common to be enslaved to food and not even realize it. I know that I sin in this area more than I would care to admit; sometimes food is just more important to me than it should be. More important than my health, or my children's health. More important than the ability to remain calm and energetic through the entire afternoon. One blessing related to my gestational diabetes was my forced recognition that I cared way too much about sweets.
For some interesting thoughts on the issue of food and gluttony from a Catholic perspective, check out Conversion Diary's series on the Saint Diet. I'm not Catholic but she has taught me a lot on this particular topic. I particularly like her post on food and sin.
"We survive in the way of faith not because we have extraordinary stamina but because God is righteous. Christian discipleship is a process of paying more and more attention to God's righteousness and less and less attention to our own; finding the meaning of our lives not by probing our moods and motives and morals but by believing in God's will and purposes; making a map of the faithfulness of God, not charting the rise and fall of our enthusiasms." (Eugene Peterson, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction)
We have our first ever Advent calendar! It's very cute:
I hung it on the china hutch. It would look nice above the fireplace, but the stockings are there:
(Note to self: when making Christma stockings, save back some extra fabric in case you have another kid.)
I bought the calendar on Etsy, but it would be easy to make if you were so inclined. I rushed around to get it up Sunday night, and then realized that it, like most Advent calendars, only had the numbers 1-24. So December 1-24 it is. That is a bit confusing to me, when Advent actually started Sunday, but oh well.
General thoughts on Advent, for the other Evangelical rookies out there. I'm fairly new at this, and these help clarify the intention of the Advent season:
Our whole life is an Advent, a time of waiting for the ultimate, for the time when there will be a new heaven and a new earth, when all people will be brothers and sisters. An old song, quoted by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
A prison cell, in which one waits, hopes... and is completely dependent on the fact that the door of freedom has to be opened from the outside, is not a bad picture of Advent. Dietrich Bonhoeffer
The spirit of Christmas needs to superseded by the Spirit of Christ. The spirit of Christmas is annual; the Spirit of Christ is eternal. The spirit of Christmas is sentimental; the Spirit of Christ is supernatural. The spirit of Christmas is a human product; the Spirit of Christ is a divine person. That makes all the difference in the world. Stuart Briscoe
Take time to be aware that in the very midst of our busy preparations for the celebration of Christ’s birth in ancient Bethlehem, Christ is reborn in the Bethlehems of our homes and daily lives. Take time, slow down, be still, be awake to the Divine Mystery that looks so common and so ordinary yet is wondrously present. An old abbot was fond of saying, ‘The devil is always the most active on the highest feast days.’ The supreme trick of Old Scratch is to have us so busy decorating, preparing food, practicing music and cleaning in preparation for the feast of Christmas that we actually miss the coming of Christ. Hurt feelings, anger, impatience, injured egos—the list of clouds that busyness creates to blind us to the birth can be long, but it is familiar to us all. Edward Hays
It might be easy to run away to a monastery, away from the commercialization, the hectic hustle, the demanding family responsibilities of Christmas-time. Then we would have a holy Christmas. But we would forget the lesson of the Incarnation, of the enfleshing of God—the lesson that we who are followers of Jesus do not run from the secular; rather we try to transform it. It is our mission to make holy the secular aspects of Christmas just as the early Christians baptized the Christmas tree. And we do this by being holy people—kind, patient, generous, loving, laughing people—no matter how maddening is the Christmas rush…Fr. Andrew Greeley
…Christmas celebrates the dawn of the Light of the World. The powers of darkness are overcome by his coming to share our life. The long reign of sin is ended and grace has been poured out upon the earth. The Sun of Justice has arisen, and evil is vanquished." Perhaps the hardest thing to remember about Christmas is this. "It celebrates the incarnation, not just the nativity. The incarnation is an on-going process of salvation, while the nativity is the once-for-all-historical event of Bethlehem. We do not really celebrate Christ’s ‘birthday,’ remembering something that happened long ago. We celebrate the stupendous fact of the incarnation, God entering our world so thoroughly that nothing has been the same since. And God continues to take flesh in our midst, in the men and women and children who form his body today. And the birth we celebrate is not just the past historical event but Christ’s continuing birth in his members, accomplished by the power of the Spirit... …What we celebrate is our redemption in Christ and the transformation of all creation by the presence of the divine in our midst. from the Catholic Sourcebook
Through all the Advents of our life that we celebrate goes the longing for the final Advent, where it says: "Behold, I make all things new" (Rev. 21:5). Dietrich Bonhoeffer
I've observed Advent loosely for several years now, but this is my first time to intentionally walk the kids through it. As a fairly newbie Advent celebrant, I was at a bit of a loss for what to, um, load the calendar with. I've seen candy, tiny gifts, or devotionals. I decided on a hybrid. We are continuing with our usual family devotions through the season; it worked out nicely because we just finished reading the Old Testament (in this Bible) so we will be doing the Nativity story over the next week and the life of Christ will carry us past Christmas. It doesn't strictly follow the traditional Advent schedule, but it will work for us.
(If you are looking for a more traditional Advent devotional, check out Heather's or Kendra's. For some general ideas about Advent and Christmas, check out Advent Conspiracy.)
In our family devotions we are just reading the Bible in order, as it comes. No master schedule or anything. For Advent I mapped out what stories will fall on which days this month and planned to elaborate on them a bit. For the days of the birth of Christ next week, I planned crafts to correspond. I think I'll tuck the craft components (or just a piece of paper with a picture or description) into the calendar. We can open it after dinner most days; I can occasionally do crafts earlier in the day when our evenings are busy.
The kids always have access to crayons and paint, etc. and use them several times daily; I don't often do an Official Craft Project with them. But I thought it might help them remember the elements of the Christmas story, and they enjoy making Christmas decorations. General Christmas crafts will be on some days, and Christmas books as gifts a few days. Other days the calendar will just have candy or stickers or something.
I found this list of gift ideas which has some cute ideas; some are a bit corny. I pulled a few of them:
December 1 - A quarter! That equals 25 cents. But 25 also stands for the number of days till Christmas, when God gave us His best present. Jesus told about one woman's gift and the way she gave it. Read: Mark 12:41-44
December 2 - Grape Gum! Grapes make jelly and juice, raisins and wine. But Jesus didn't need grapes to perform His first miracle. Read: John 2:1-10
December 3 - Smiley sticker. Here's a smile! A smile usually expresses happiness. Jesus gave us many instructions to keep us happy. Read: Matthew 5:1-12.
December 4 - Gummy fish. Fish! Well, if you were surprised to find these fish, wait till you read the story today! Others were surprised to find fish, too. Read: Luke 5:4-7
December 5 - A birthday candle. As you know, we are getting ready to celebrate Jesus' birthday. However, Jesus talked about something else that is related to this candle. Light! Read: Matthew 5:14-16
December 6 - Bell. You could make some noise with this. But it would not have bothered a certain man--until he met Jesus. Read: Mark 7:31-37
December 7 - Goldfish crackers. These would not go very far if you were really hungry! But Jesus could make much out of little. Surely He knew how to multiply! Read: Matthew 14:13-21
December 8 - Cotton balls These cotton balls would be helpful in a thunder storm, wouldn't they? We could use them for ear plugs to muffle the loud noises that thunder makes. But we know someone who doesn't need cotton. Jesus can control the weather. Read: Matthew 8:23-27
December 9 - Part of a map. People needing to use the other parts of this map are in trouble! Don't you get lost today! Read: John 14:1-6
December 10 - It's soap. Do you like to wash? Behind your ears? Washing turned out to be a happy time for a man who met Jesus. Read: John 9:1-7
December 11 - Heart stickers. Wordlessly, they speak of love, don't they? Jesus spoke some commands about love. Read: Matthew 25:17-41
December 12 - Cross stickers. We use the cross as a symbol, representing Jesus. Do you know why? Read: Philippines 2:1-11
December 13 - Ordinary salt. Yes, Jesus related salt to us and our behavior. He also gave us some advice. Read: Matthew 5:14 and Colossians 4:6. (Notice that He doesn't recommend pepper!).
December 14 - Sand. Don't try to eat this! It's sand. It reminds us that Jesus knows something about architecture, about buildings--and building lives. See His instructions: Matthew 7:24-29.
December 15 - Silk flowers. Flowers are pretty, aren't they? Jesus used flowers to teach us a reassuring lesson. Read: Matthew 6:28-34.
December 16 - Raisins! Many children are given raisins instead of candy for a snack. That's because they are a health-promoting and delicious fruit. Jesus told us how we can produce good fruit. Read: John 15:1-5.
December 17 - Seed packet. Jesus told a story about seeds that man planted. Then He explained it, revealing its deep meaning. Read: Matthew 13:3-8 and Matthew 13:18-23.
December 18 - Christmas carol. Christmas is just about a week away. And here is an appropriate song. Sing it loudly! Read: Psalms 100.
December 19 - A hard stone! Can you change this stone into a piece of bread? Do you think Jesus could? Jesus was asked to do just that. Do know how He handled it? Read: Matthew 4:1-4.
December 20 - Foil ball. Try to smooth out this piece of aluminum foil and use it as a mirror. It's hard to see your reflection plainly, isn't it? Many circumstances are hard to understand, but someday everything will be clear. Read: 1 Corinthians 13:12.
December 21 - Mustard seed. The mustard seed is the smallest there is! When it sprouts, it grows into one of the largest plants! See what Jesus said. Read: Matthew 17:20.
December 22 - Dove. We've learned that the cross represents Christ, but do you know what the dove stands for? Read: Matthew 3:13-17.
December 23 - Piece of wool. The threads that compose this fabric came from the wool of a sheep. Jesus called Himself the good shepherd. Do you know who His sheep are? Read: John 10:7-18.
December 24 - A marble! Do you know what is sometimes called the "Big Blue Marble"? The world. God made the world for us. What does God continue doing to the world? And who is the world? Read: John 3:16.
December 25 - Picture of baby or baby doll. Isn't this baby cute? When he was born, he made a whole family happy. Jesus was born a baby, too. He came to make the whole world happy. Read: Luke 2:1-20. Enjoy your celebration today. Continue to learn about Jesus--and love Him forever!
Here is the schedule I've come up with for us. It's a blend of treats, crafts, and devotionals. Days that correspond to our normal devotional reading are noted; other Scriptures that tie into that day's gift are also listed. I apologize for the poor typing and formatting; I'm doing this quickly so it's just copied over from my notes. I'm sure you understand. : )
Tues Dec. 1: quarters, 25 days (as Dec. 1 above).
Wed Dec. 2: candy or toy
Thurs dec 3: paper plate angel craft, (read Angel appears to Mary)
friday dec 4: window suncatcher christmas tree craft. Fold black paper in half lengthwise. Cut along open edge to resemble one side of a Christmas tree. Leave paper tree folded in half and punch numerous holes all over tree. Unfold tree. On one side, glue assorted colors of tissue paper over holes. Turn tree over. Finish decorating with glue and glitter to make garland scallops. Add a yellow construction paper star on top.
saturday dec 5: birthday candle, matt 5 light of world (as Dec 5 above)
sunday dec : stickers
monday dec 7: read census, journey, birth; do envelope manger craft
tuesday dec 8: read shepherds & angels, do nativity craft
wed dec 9: read wise men, make star w/ pipe cleaners or sticks & wire & paint
thurs dec 10: paint a rock; matt 4 (as dec 19 above)
fri dec 11: book
sat dec 12: stickers
sunday dec 13: bubble bath, john 9 (as dec. 10 above)
mon dec 14: snow globe craft
tues dec 15: dove, read baptism
wed dec 16: book
thurs dec 17: pine cone angel (glue feathers and a halo on a pine cone)
fri dec 18: read fishers of men; goldfish crackers
sat dec 19: read wedding at cana, flowers (silk or real?)
sunday dec 20: book
monday dec 21: candy
tues dec 22: stickers
wed dec 23: candy or toy
thur dec 24: candy
We'll see if I make it through as scheduled...this is way more crafty than I usually am. If it makes me busy and crazy it will be the opposite of my goal and will have to change. Gotta go put some quarters in bag #`1!
I just realized that a few points could use clarification. First, Biblical masculinity is a topic well worth covering. I am not the woman for the job, but I know the man who is. Justin and Casey organized and taught a wonderful seminar on Biblical Masculinity back in April, and Stephanie and I were asked to lead the corresponding session for women. Justin's talk is available here. I would never endorse a church which taught submission for women and yet remained silent on the unique tasks of men. I won't write about them here, but they are substantial.
It seems to me, and I could be wrong, that there is much press in Christian circles given to submission. Lots of books, blog posts like this, etc. discussing "what does submission mean, how do I do it, etc." But there is sadly less literature for men about "how can I love my wife as Christ loved the church?" which is unfortunate. I just want to be clear that although this blog is written by a woman, and these posts are primarily geared to women, that is not the full picture.
Also, I know that I'm not doing an exhaustive study of femininity. I am currently posting only the material I prepared for a short seminar, and I know I'm not covering everything. I don't mean to imply that Femininity = Submission. That is definitely not the case. I only hit on it because it needs to be properly understood. But there is a lot out there we could also be talking about. We're not talking about motherhood at all, women in church, or women in the workforce, or dating....lots of things. I know. I may be able to get to it eventually; let me know if you would like to see a particular topic. I have a request pending for some writing about women in medicine; that is "marinating" in the back of my mind, but it's coming. Anything else?
There it is, the "S" word. You knew it was coming, didn't you?
If you're anything like me, the word "submission" is loaded with strong emotion. It is easily and widely misunderstood and misapplied, and for that reason it rubs many of us the wrong way.
But... there can be another reason for our offense, that little thing we call "pride." That's why I like to review those verses about submission within the Trinity. It turns down the dial on my own pride a few notches, especially the Philippians passage. In fact I'll just put that one here, in case you don't want to click over.
Philippians 2:5-11 5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: 6Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
7but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
9Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
The reality is that the God we serve is not too proud to serve, to submit, to be a helper. To obey. So why in the world am I?? Keep that reality in the back of your mind as we move on to Ephesians:
Ephesians 5:21-33 "....submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
So what is submission?A disposition to yield to the husband's authority and an inclination to follow his leadership.
Some general characteristics first.
a. Submission is freely given. Notice that it is the wife's responsibility to "see" to it in verse 33. It springs from the wife's loving obedience to Christ. It is not imposed by a domineering husband. In fact the husband is nowhere commanded to "make your wife submit."
(As an aside, just review again exactly what husbands are commanded. Not much leeway for chauvinism, is there? Some husbands love to "remind" their wives of these verses, but somehow forget to apply them to themselves first.)
Likewise, we cannot demand or enforce our husbands to obey their command to love us as Christ loved the Church. Anyone ever tried that? How's that working out for ya'? ; )
b. Submission is honoring to God.
Titus 2:3-5 "Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled."
What is it, exactly, about a woman who is not submissive that leads to the word of God being reviled? Doesn't that seem a little harsh? What is it about my submission that somehow brings honor to God?
Our God deals in little things, or at least sometimes they seem small to us. Attitudes of the heart, issues of the individual family in the privacy of their own home. These things matter to God.
When I submit, it shows that:
1. Obedience to God is more important than having my own way. If I am willing to embrace this doctrine, it teaches me and proclaims to those watching that I would rather obey God than follow my own impulses and desires. This is a discipline.
2. True freedom is found only in Christ. Not in following every impulse I have, the moment I have it. More on this later.
3. I reverence the Lord as sovereign and powerful. I am the creature, He is Creator. I trust that He desires the best for me and is powerful to enact His plan, as we talked about in Part One. Submission would never make sense without this reality. Therefore we preach the glory of God by practicing submission. Why on earth would I submit to my husband if God cannot be trusted? I can't think of any good reason.
4. God's word directs my life. I orient my life around the Bible and acknowledge it's authority.
If I am too proud to submit, it implies that I reject these truths. That is how the word of God gets reviled.
What is submission not?
a. Submission is not a pattern for the general relationship between men and women. Men are not the heads of women; husbands are the heads of their own wives. Women do not submit to men in general; they submit to their own husband. A woman may affirm and nurture the leadership of worthy men other than her husband, but this does not give them headship over her.
I have one head. I submit to one man.
b. Submission is not based on the husband's superior intellect, morality, Bible knowledge, education, or better relationship with God, or any corresponding inferiority or weakness in the wife.
1 Corinthians 11:3 "...the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God."
The head of Christ is God. Is God the Father in any way superior to Christ? Review the verses from Part Two if you need. For example: John 10:30 "I and the Father are one." This is not a merit-based system. It's a role, an assignment, not a system of reward and punishment. Any one individual husband may or may not have any or all of the above commendations, but that matters not a hill of beans when it comes to submission. We do this because God says to, not because our husbands "deserve" it. If I submit because I'm a mindless idiot or spineless doormat, what glory does that bring to God? Very little.
c. Submission to your husband is not a replacement for your first love.
God created my heart; I can allow Him to satisfy it. No man can. Only an omnipotent God can "meet my needs." It would be unfair to expect my husband to do what only God can do. I must be careful with my expectations; husbands make lousy idols.
While I'm here, a note of clarification on the phrase "as to the Lord" in the Ephesians passage. This does not mean, as I once assumed, "treat your husband like he's God." Absolutely not! This is more along the lines of
1 Corinthians 10:31 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
By which I mean, we do not submit to our husbands as if they were God. We do it because we are submitting to God when we do anything out of loving obedience toGod. We obey God by obeying his command to submit to our husbands. We submit because we love God, trust God, believe God when He says this is the way He made marriage and this is how He wants it to function. We trust the divine plan. We do not submit because our husbands "deserve" it. We submit because God does.
Acts 5:29 "We must obey God rather than men."
We do not follow our husbands into sin. If a husband asks his Christian wife to sin with or for him, she rightly refuses. For example, even if the husband forbids it, a Christian woman should: Go to church. Teach her children about God. Not lie for her husband. Refuse to participate with him in immorality. More on this in Part Four.
d. Submission is not as scary as it sounds. We trust a sovereign God as we follow a fallen man. We do not submit because our husbands do not make any mistakes. We submit because God makes none.
e. Submission is not carte blanche for the husband to do whatever he wants. Reread the Ephesians passage above for what is required of the husband. "gave himself up for her...love their wives as their own bodies...nourish and cherish..." Unfortunately it needs to be said, submission is not a license for abuse. Not only does a wife not follow her husband into sin, she does not turn a blind eye tohis sin. More on this in Part Four.
f. Submission is not the defining characteristic of the Christian woman. It is one aspect of the marital relationship. Nothing more, nothing less. I'm giving lots of space to it here because it can be so readily misunderstood. Women are not always taught how to do this properly or given a theological perspective from which to approach difficult passages, so I want to provide that. But there is more to life, and there is more to marriage.
So, what does submission look like?
a. A disposition, an inclination, not a fixed set of rules and behaviors. It looks different for every woman, in every situation.
b. Expectancy. Expect God to lead your family through your husband, and look for it. Watch for God's wisdom and leadership to come through him. When Jesus was a small child and the family needed to escape to Egypt, how did God guide them?
Matthew 2:13-14 "...behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, "Rise, take the child and his mother, and flee to Egypt, and remain there until I tell you, for Herod is about to search for the child, to destroy him." 14And he rose and took the child and his mother by night..."
Obviously Mary is perfectly capable of hearing from God, and He is gracious in His dealings with her. She is the first person on Earth to know of the coming Messiah. In Luke 1 the angel Gabriel announces to her "Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you!" But down the road a few ways, when God has news for her family, Joseph is the first to hear about it.
It is no different for our families. Part of what submission looks like is our general expectation that our husbands will be hearing from God about things that concern the whole family. Not because we can't receive guidance from God for ourselves; hopefully we do frequently. And not because our husbands are any better at listening than we are. But God has said it will often happen this way, and we believe God.
c. Diplomacy. We honor our husbands with our speech.
Proverbs 14:1 "The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down."
The things men do to destroy marriages are, generally speaking, more public and obvious than the things women do. This is a broad generalization, of course. But many marriages have fallen ostensibly because of the husband's unfaithfulness, when actually the wife has been tearing her house down with her tongue for years.
We should speak honorably to our husbands. You do like the guy, right? So act like it, and speak kindly. Golden rule and all that. Sometimes I say things to my husband, cruel things, that I would never say to a friend, or even a stranger. This should not be. And we should speak honorably about him to friends, in front of the children, and on the phone with mom. Don't share his sins and weaknesses. Would you want him to do that? Women like to gab when we get together. This is not news. But how often do you hear a girl say things about her husband which would devastate her if she heard him say the same about her?
But what about my freedom?
Haven't I been liberated?
John 8:32-36 ...you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." 33 They answered him, "We are offspring of abraham and have never been enslaved to anyone. How is it that you say, 'You will become free'?"
34 Jesus answered them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin. 35 The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son remains forever. 36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."
Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
True freedom is found in deliverance from sin through Christ.
It is not found by giving in to every impulse you have, the moment you have it. There are sensations of unbounded independence that certainly feel free. But they are not true freedom, because they deny God's truth, the ultimate reality, and will eventually lead to calamity.
Think of skydiving. Wouldn't it feel more free to fall without the "encumbrance" of a parachute? All those straps, the extra weight...it must feel confining. But obviously you will very rapidly become a slave to gravity. Or a train. Mustn't it get old, running along the same tracks everyday? Wouldn't it feel "liberating" to leave behind the tracks and make a path for oneself, out in the green pasture?
We find our greatest and truest freedom when we loose the bondage to the sinful self. If I can learn to discipline myself to not follow every desire, to not pursue every path that looks nice from my perspective, to not act on every transient emotion, or believe every cultural influence that writes a magazine article, I will ultimately experience much greater freedom. Sometimes we must endure a discipline that at first feels restrictive in order to be released from bondage we hadn't even realized we were in.
Do we trust our Creator? Does He want our ultimate freedom? Or do we know best?
Here is the flip side: True freedom is NOT found in legalism, either. Submission gets a big name in some Christian circles, and there are women who wear it like a badge of honor.
Galatians 5:1 For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm, therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.
Submission to God's design in faith is liberating. Submission to a man out of legalism is suffocating.
Stay tuned for Part Four: Conflict and Sin. How does a Christian woman conduct herself in a fight? How does she respond to the sins of her husband? What protection is available for her?
What does it mean to be made in the image of God, as a woman, as an individual, and as a wife?
I encourage you to take a second to read all of Genesis 1 & 2 before we get started. And then I'll just call your attention to a few key verses:
Genesis 1:26-28 Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth."27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.
28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth."…..
Gen. 2:6-8 and a mist was going up from the land and was watering the whole face of the ground— 7 then the LORD God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature. 8 And the LORD God planted a garden in Eden, in the east, and there he put the man whom he had formed...
Gen 2:18 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."
Each individual is made in the image of God. You, a woman, by yourself, reflect the image of God, the imago Dei, and stand alone before Him. But there is also a social aspect to that image. How does God describe everything in creation up to the making of man? "And God saw that it was good." But then what? Verse 2:18 "It is not good that the man should be alone." Just as the Trinity exists in relationship; we were made to exist in relationship. The task assigned to the image bearers ("be fruitful and multiply," 1:28) cannot be performed by an individual. The Trinity has perfect harmony, perfect unity, perfect intimacy and communication.
But what does that look like? How do the members of the Trinity relate to one another? Is it egalitarian? Is there structure? Roles? Authority?
Psalm 30:10 "Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me! O LORD, be my helper!"
Psalm 54:4 "Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life."
Psalm 118:6-7 "The LORD is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me? The LORD is on my side as my helper; I shall look in triumph on those who hate me." (this verse also quoted in Hebrews 13:6)
Did you notice that? The psalmist is referring to God as his helper. This is clearly more than a secretary, right? An assistant, to iron shirts and bring the coffee? Hardly. Let's not forget that this is the LORD, the "upholder of my life," about whom we say:
Psalm 104 27These all look to you, to give them their food in due season. 28When you give it to them, they gather it up; when you open your hand, they are filled with good things. 29When you hide your face, they are dismayed; when you take away their breath, they die and return to their dust. 30When you send forth your Spirit, they are created, and you renew the face of the ground.
It is this God, the very same one, who is described as our helper.
Keep reading as Jesus discusses His relationship with the other members of the Trinity:
John 5:16-23 And this was why the Jews were persecuting Jesus, because he was doing these things on the Sabbath. 17 But Jesus answered them, "My Father is working until now, and I am working." 18 This was why the Jews were seeking all the more to kill him, because not only was he breaking the Sabbath, but he was even calling God his own Father, making himself equal with God. 19So Jesus said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of his own accord, but only what he sees the Father doing. For whatever the Father does, that the Son does likewise. 20 For the Father loves the Son and shows him all that he himself is doing. And greater works than these will he show him, so that you may marvel. 21 For as the Father raises the dead and gives them life, so also the Son gives life to whom he will. 22 The Father judges no one, but has given all judgment to the Son, 23 that all may honor the Son, just as they honor the Father. Whoever does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent him.
John 10:30 "I and the Father are one."
John 12:49-50 "For I have not spoken on my own authority, but the Father who sent me has himself given me a commandment—what to say and what to speak. 50 And I know that his commandment is eternal life. What I say, therefore, I say as the Father has told me."
John 14:6-11 Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 7 If you had known me, you would have known my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him. 8 Philip said to him, "Lord, show us the Father, and it is enough for us." 9 Jesus said to him, "Have I been with you so long, and you still do not know me, Philip? Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, 'Show us the Father'? 10Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own authority, but the Father who dwells in me does his works. 11 Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father is in me, or else believe on account of the works themselves.
John 14:15-17 "If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth..."
Perhaps most dramatically:
Matt 26:39 And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, "My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will."
Within the Trinity, there is a voluntary, functional subordination of the Son and Spirit to the Father.
Do not miss this: within the Trinity, there is a VOLUNTARY, FUNCTIONAL SUBORDINATION of the Son and Spirit to the Father.
God Himself is not too proud to be our "helper."
Christ the Lord is not unwilling to be a servant.
Are we really too proud? Too good for this?
Listen to this: "This is a way that women are made in the image of God. Willingness to subordinate oneself to others for God's sake is itself a component of the image of God, not a compromise thereof." *
Does that make anyone else stand up a little straighter?
As I take a good honest look at my beloved Christ, suddenly I feel less embarrassed to proclaim the doctrine of submission.
Submission is not always taught in a Trinitarian context, and I think that's a shame. It is a dangerous thing to teach without the framework of the Godhead. Without the God-man Jesus, it just seems like subjugation of women. I get that.
BUT we follow a God who delights in turning our "wisdom" on its ear. If "helper" means what we think it means, it's not a good idea to use that word in reference to God. If our "dignity" is dependent upon our "rights" being protected, then our dignity is a very delicate thing. If we think it's degrading to "submit" to an equal, then Christ was degraded. Of course it doesn't make sense. If it did, would it honor God in quite the same way? I mean, does it "make sense" for Jesus to submit to the Father in such a way, to be humiliated as a human baby and child, to suffer a cruel, naked death after a mock trial?
Philippians 2:3-11 Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.
* This quote and much of this material was pulled from the chapter titled "Men and Women in the Image of God" written by John Frame in the book Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, edited by John Piper and Wayne Grudem. Highly, highly recommended.
I was asked to help lead a seminar on Biblical Femininity a couple of months ago at Christ Church. I enjoyed the opportunity immensely. I have wrestled with this subject for years, and God has been gracious to lead me gently. I have found that God is not afraid of our honest questions and will lead us (eventually) beside still waters, if only we will follow.
I have wanted to transfer the notes from my talk onto here for some time. I hope they will be a helpful resource for women of the Church. Please know that I approach this as a fellow struggler who has learned much the hard way. I just laugh at the irony that I am teaching this subject at all, given how desperately I have fought it. If you resist it, or chafe under it, know that I have as well, and keep at it. Just don't give up; there is treasure there. Don't release God until He has blessed you through this.
If you prefer to listen to the audio version, it is here. Please don't laugh at me; I'm not a professional speaker. It's not as polished as I would like.
Part One: Foundational Biblical Truths
We have to begin here. When we struggle with the specifics of certain Biblical doctrines, it often reflects dis-ease in fundamental Gospel truths. Let me give you an example: If I am fearful that following God's instruction will leave me powerless and defenseless, that actually reflects a lack of trust in God's gracious and omnipotent provision for me. I can analyze the cultural implications of the particular instruction all day long, but I won't experience spiritual growth until I deal with the broader reality. Another example: If I refuse to accept a difficult teaching because it "doesn't feel right," I am trusting my own fallen heart above the absolute authority of Holy Scripture. If I hold the Bible in one hand, and my instinct in the other, and weigh them equally, I am thinking much more of myself than I ought.
So when I find myself chafing under some of these specific ideas that we'll get to later, very often it can be traced back to one of these core issues. That's why I start here.
a. God is all-powerful and all-knowing. He knows what I feel, need, and desire. He knows what is best for me, how I may best glorify Him. He cares for me with strength and power. I do not need to be afraid. He has a plan for me, and all strength to enact that plan and protect me, even when from my limited perspective I cannot see that plan and may feel vulnerable.
b. God is all-loving, gracious and good. Jer. 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." God is righteous and compassionate. He can be trusted. He will hear me and care for me, and His care for me will always be good.
c. I am fallen and sinful. Jer. 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" My heart cannot be trusted. Sometimes my emotions are misleading, and it would be better to pay attention to eternal truth. Oprah, et al. would have us believe otherwise, but we can't always "find our own truth."
d. I am precious to God. He redeemed me at great price. My obedience is the natural response to His love and sacrifice.
e. God gave His word as a gracious gift to me. I can go to His word expecting to find wisdom and grace. John 8:32 "and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."
If these aren't registering deep within your soul as truth, the rest of what I have to say will not resonate for you either. You may even experience profound and violent opposition. Don't try to grapple with things like headship and submission outside the context of the sovereignty of God. Of course they won't work; they were never designed to function in an atheistic vacuum. These presuppositions are necessary for what follows. Please don't forget them. God asks much of us, and it can be overwhelming if we lose the big picture. Hold on to the Gospel. Don't lose sight of the cross.
Justin preached on community this past Sunday. That topic is dear to my heart, and I think it was a very important sermon for our community. I have the outline and just a few of my notes below. If you would like, the entire sermon is available on iTunes. Just search Christ Church Brenham from the iTunes store.
The sermon is part 3 of a three week series on the core values of our church, which are proclamation, service, and community.
We believe that the Christian faith is a call to Community.
Therefore we embody the Gospel by living a shared life of intimacy, hospitality, and generosity as we establish a family of pilgrims on a journey of faith together. (This is something beyond "hanging out." Intimacy requires honesty and vulnerability, and our example is the Trinity. Hospitality is "love of stranger.")
GOD exists in COMMUNITY. The Trinity has existed eternally together in perfect harmony, with perfect unity and perfect individuality.
GOD created us to live in COMMUNITY. After God made the earth, seas, sun, moon, plants and animals, "it was good." But what was not good? "For man to live alone." Part of what it means to be made in the image of God is to be made for community.
GOD’S gifts are realized in COMMUNITY. You may have been made as a finger, shoulder, or pinky toe. To fully realize your created purpose, you need the body. If you feel isolated and purposeless, this may be why. And the body suffers without its members. Your church needs you.
GOD’S blessings are enjoyed in COMMUNITY. I was with Betty in the nursery for this point. Sorry; no notes.
GOD’S mission is completed through COMMUNITY. See Jesus' High Priestly prayer, John 17. 20"I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, 21 that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me." We are to be one LIKE the Trinity, SO THAT we may be in God, SO THAT the world may believe. More here.
THREE FINAL THOUGHTS:
COMMUNITY is not an excuse. (to avoid solitude, to speak without discretion) COMMUNITY is not a country club. (not for ourselves only, we can be in community with people who are very different from us, it is used as an outreach) COMMUNITY is not a substitute. (time with friends complements but does not substitute for community with God Himself)
I encourage you to listen to this full sermon. And if you don't have it, go get yourself some community. Blessings.
"Every man has reminiscences which he would not tell to everyone but only his friends. He has other matters in his mind which he would not reveal even to his friends, but only to himself, and that in secret. But there are other things which a man is afraid to tell even to himself, and every decent man has a number of such things stored away in his mind." Fyodor Dostoyevsky
"For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate....For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is not longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me." Romans 7:15 & 19-20.
Let me start this by asking for your grace, gentle reader. This is something to be approached with fear and trembling, and that is what I will attempt to do. Please bear with me.
I have always been blunt. That is good and bad. I was this way forever, and then medical school beat a little bit more tact out of me. It is surprising how few doctors are able to look someone in the eye and say "the cancer is back." Or "I'm sorry; your son is dead." Or "Yes, you should call your family now. It's time." We prefer to look down at the chart and mumble some doctor-speak while backing out the door.
So I pride myself on my ability to speak truthfully and directly and plainly.
Except when it gets me into trouble. Sometimes a little beating around the bush is not such a bad thing.
Hold your nose; here goes the cold water.
I took a test called the Implicit Association Test. You can find it here. I would very much appreciate it if you would take the "race" test and report back with your thoughts. (In brief, the test shows you pictures of faces, and asks you to quickly categorize them as "European American" or "African American." Then you are shown words such as pain, failure, joy, or laughter, and asked to categorize them as good or bad. Then the words and faces are mixed together, and you sort good words with the white folks and bad words with the black folks, and vice versa. If you find it more difficult to associate good words with black people, that's described as an implicit preference for whites.)
The test is not designed to detect hidden racism that the poor test taker did not know they harbored. No one is saying that if you score "Your data suggest a strong automatic preference for European American compared to African American" (my score report) that you are a closet member of the KKK.
But the test measures something, yes? The results are not random; and surely I can learn something from this experience.
I am not a racist. I have never been taught racism. I do not condone it. In any way.
It makes me so sad that I scored the way that I did. I wish I could change it.
At some level, for some reason, it is easier for me to associate positive traits with white people than with black people. And easier to attribute negative traits to black folks.
In any given situation, if I stop and think, even for a second, I will hopefully catch that fallacy and realize the irrationality. I don't really believe that white people are better or different or smarter or nicer or anything of the sort. But some aspect of my personality still tends to make those assumptions, at the level of gut instinct, when I don't stop and think. Or even for those few milliseconds before I stop and think.
So I guess my point is, I need to stop and think more often. And more quickly.
Or maybe the point is, I'm fallen and sinful, and I keep discovering more and more evidence of that fact in my own heart. (Why does this continue to surprise me???) Stopping and thinking is important, but only as a component of God's ongoing redemption at work in me. I need deliverance here. May He show grace. Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh? (Galatians 3:3) I am aware that willpower is insufficient to the task.
I'm glad I know this about myself. I wish it weren't there, but like a cancer, you have to know about it to take steps to get rid of it. The test served as a tutor, if you will. Or a CT scan, to keep with the medical metaphor. A Cat scan of the soul.
I'll copy over just a few of the most helpful tidbits from the FAQ section on the test website. Quotes are in blue. If you take a test, please, by all means, peruse that section to think about your results.
Familiarity: There is a known relation between familiarity and liking - people tend to like things that are familiar more than things that are unfamiliar. In this way, familiarity might be importantly related to implicit attitudes. So, there may be a role for familiarity in liking of the categories – people tend to like things that they are familiar with compared to things that they are not. What might emerge as an implicit prejudice may have its basis in unfamiliarity. I think this definitely applies to me. The simple fact is that most of my friends are white. I grew up in a town that was mostly white. Went to a college that is mostly white. My medical school was more diverse and that was a great experience; I could definitely use more diversity in my life. For me, that helps the "other" to become the "familiar."
Prejudice: So does this mean I am prejudiced? Social psychologists use the word 'prejudiced' to describe people who endorse or approve of negative attitudes and discriminatory behavior toward various out-groups. Many people who show automatic White preference on the Black-White attitude IAT are not prejudiced by this definition. It is possible to show biases on the IAT that are not consciously endorsed, or are even contradictory to intentional attitudes and beliefs. People who hold egalitarian conscious attitudes in the face of automatic White preferences may able to function in non-prejudiced fashion partly by making active efforts to prevent their automatic White preference from producing discriminatory behavior. However, when they relax these active efforts, these non-prejudiced people may be likely to show discrimination in thought or behavior.So I may be one of those people who may need to "make active efforts" to keep from behaving in a discriminatory manner.
I welcome feedback. I want to know what you think about this. Especially if you are uncomfortable or offended.
I'm putting myself out there, not because this is easy, but because I think it's important. This may not be politically correct, but I'm trying to be honest. I know I have much to learn. Much sin remains to be crucified. Much life to be regenerated.
Here's to redemption.
"So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:21-25.
Because God is triune, he has eternally been personal and relational in his own being, in full independence from his creation. God has never had any unmet needs, "nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything" (Acts 17:25). Personhood becomes real only within realized relationships, and the reality of relationship can only exist where one has something or someone that is not oneself to relate to; if, then, God had not been plural in himself he could not have been a personal, relational God till he had begun creating, and thus would have been dependent on creation for his own personhood, which is a notion as nonsensical as it is unscriptural. Between the persons of the Trinity, there has always existed total relational harmony and expression; God is, from this standpoint, a perfect society in himself. Apart from the plurality in the Trinity, either God's eternal independence of the created order or his eternally relational personal existence would have to be denied.
A couple of weeks ago, Justin preached on Jesus' High Priestly prayer in John 17. I loved the sermon, and was happy to transcribe it for him for use in his homiletics class at HBU. I wanted to post a portion for you today.
Here's the text from verses 20-21:
20"I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, 21 that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me.
Here's a bit of the transcribed sermon:
The first statement is this: “that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You.”
For Jesus to accomplish His mission of glorifying the Father, we must all be one. This is not to say that the success of Jesus' mission is in any way contingent on us, or our faithfulness. It is not. He is not dependent on us in any way. If we do not do our job, the rocks will cry out. He is sovereign over all things, every aspect of our lives. But He chooses to use us in very specific and deliberate ways, for our joy, and His ultimate glory. He chooses us as His means of glorifying the Father. Unity, or community, is of the highest priority to Jesus.
This unity is not defined by our past or present experience of "togetherness." Rather, it is defined by the Trinity. In verse 21 Jesus says "I want my followers, not only these disciples here, but all of those who will believe because of their word, to be one, just as You and I are one." So we take our cue from the Trinity. In the way that the Trinity is one, so are we to be. (....) Jesus is saying, "Do not judge your oneness, your connectedness to fellow Christians, by your own standards. I am giving you the standard. The standard is the Trinity. Just as I exist in community with the Father and the Spirit, so are you to dwell in unity with your fellow believers."
(.....)
Second statement is this: “So that they also may be in Us.”
This is why He wants us to be together with other people. He wants us to live in unity, SO THAT, we can have community with God. "...that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us."
Our oneness with each other, which should look like the oneness that the Father has with the Son and Spirit, RESULTS IN our oneness with the Father, Son, and Spirit. Our abiding in God is a result of our faithfulness to abide with each other. Jesus says, "You need to be one just as we are one, so that you can be one with Us."
Many people espouse the belief that "You don't have to go to church to be a Christian." That's true enough, in one sense. Going to church and being connected to community is not salvific. It does not produce salvation in you. But, it does produce in you this eternal life that can begin now. This eternal life that Jesus is speaking of is not something that begins at death. It's something you participate in now. There are things to be cultivated, ways to make it happen, and ways to kill it. Jesus comes that we may have life and have it abundantly, but there is a thief, and he comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He cannot take away your salvation, but he wants to take away your current experience of eternal life. John says earlier that this thief is the ruler of the world. He won't be for long, but for now he is our enemy. We must be connected with each other if we want to remain connected with God. (....)
Here's the third statement, the final result as Jesus sees it. Verse 21: “that they also may be in Us, SO THAT the world may believe that You sent me.”
Jesus has built progression into this verse: You need to do this, so that you can do this, so that you can do this.
Jesus is about to die. He is entrusting His mission to his disciples. He has promised to indwell them with the Spirit. Now He is praying to the Father for His disciples, that their work may be fruitful, and so that their joy may be full. "I want them to be in community with each other so that they will be in community with Us. I want them to be in Us so that the world will believe."
Many of us disregard this aspect of our mission. Our unity, our connectedness both here and with believers across the world, produces faith in nonbelievers. It results in the faith of nonbelievers. Jesus repeats Himself in verse 23, "I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me." This idea of community as mission, community as evangelism.
OK, I know this is a long post. Bless you for reading this far.
So why Mother's Day? What does this have to do with us?
We are often the foot soldiers, doing the groundwork to build the unity. Every potluck dish, every prayer meeting, the Christmas parties, the phone calls and emails, these things are the work of the gospel. They are not marginal, irrelevant to the "real work." In these verses they are commissioned, sanctified, by Christ Himself. As we unify our family, we are teaching our little ones about the Trinity! This is the beginning of eternal life. As our church community draws together in fellowship (around my pot roast!) they are drawing near to Christ, and demonstrating Him to the world.
